christmas

christmas is coming and I do hope seeing some snows!

well, maybe not this year… but i promise myself to see some next year…!

Santa Claus is cominnnnggg to tooowwwnn…

waiting or enjoying

here I am, waiting for my temporary roommate -ririn, come home from her hometown, Bandung.

Nonetheless, today I just strolling with one of my bestfriend -Z (stands for Zabeth) and her boyfriend, Glenn. I think I have become a specialist in goin’ out with couples and somehow…. being their advisory.

yeah.. another story, my other friend’s boyfriend (which apparently has turned out as “Ex” boyfriend recently) just text me in YM, telling that my name has being put-up as a bumper to hide an affair. wow, it’s indeed shocking and i was kinda mad at that moment, because my friend never ask for my permission -to use my name on purpose. But, hell yeah… I think it’s useless, because now they are so offer.

He text me a loooong message and told me that he is so in love with her. i tried to cheer him up and I said he deserve a better woman. and in the end, i’m kinda tired being healer in other’s relationship.

it has being the fourth relationship from 3 different friends!

and yeah, plus the fact i hang out regularly with couples, Z and glenn. of course i often imagine that someday i will not go alone with them, but bringing my plus one. but, i think that imagination hasn’t block any of my preferences. yeah, tell me i’m stupid, but i still choosing that megalomaniac yet funny man, than a nice man who offered me safety. I think i’m not running on safety, not yet. yeah, i’m stupid, but that what my heart said… so be it.

yesterday i ran a date, with someone who has been eager to call a date with me since 3 months ago. I have put him off in the first month, because i was being so paranoid that he was sorta lookin’ for a future wife. marriage, is something i also wanted, but not now. i have so many dreams to chase before i get to that M thing.

yet, after one of my friend at office told me the ’shoe theory’, i just realized that i shouldn’t get seriously in relationship. I just had to playin’ around before i finally find who I really wanted.

skip things, he bought me something from hongkong and we meet yesterday. well, honestly he is really a nice and naive man. before, i believe that all man is gay nor bastard, but apparently there’s still a good man with no hidden agenda in this world. It just…. I haven’t got that tickles in my stomach, and I think i have turn the flame down because I said to him I don’t want a relationship before pursuing my master.

yeah, he’s debating my hypothesis, but in the end…. I said the right thing. I don’t want to have a long distance relationship. I want to enjoy my master fully, with the adventure inside it. I don’t wanna be rushy in completing my degree because somebody waiting for me in Indonesia.

well, if that so, u may think I will not have any relationship until next year? i don’t know. oh yeah, i still had a giant crush on that other man i’ve been talked about in the previous entries, even though so many times I said our gate had closed. but, he always had the power to cheer me up, to make my life more ‘alive’, and to bring me into some fantasy. that is why i called myself as stupid.

uh, well… now i’m in the leisure mode. i don’t push myself to have a boyfriend, because i’m not sure it would be best for me. first thing first!!

but i am not closing the door to play around, hang out, or even just to manage my loneliness with some accompaniment. i’m just an ordinary person. i think i will torture myself if i just close my heart until next year. i will be so desperately lonely!

well, anyway…. love is a mystery, so is life… so, just enjoy the surprises!

lovelife

i have several times telling myself that i’m a sucker in love.

yaps… i know what i want in any other part in my life, but i don’t know what i want in love.

but then i realized, who does know?

love is a mystery.

you will never know how, when, where you will fall in love.

this feeling is so strong and makes you rationalize all things.

it makes you abandon the obstacles.

do i love him?

do he loves me?

God….. please give me the answer.

dream

today, a bell was ringing in my head.

and those words come again into my mind… one sentence which will always inspires me, from Andrea Hirata: “bermimpilah, maka Tuhan akan memeluk mimpi-mimpimu.”

yes, today my boss has told me that my marketing director has agreed to accept me as one of her team. Gosh, do you have any idea how much i struggled for this? yep, i have passed those tears and blood to finally grab that fact. The dream which I may leave for less than one year, if I succeed to reach my second dream.

I only have 2 big dreams in my life (3 maybe, include married with the right person). and this is it….

Terima kasih Tuhan atas segala yang telah kau berikan padaku. semua kegembiraan, keceriaan, kegetiran, kesedihan, kesuksesan, kegagalan, kemenangan…. semuanya itu telah melengkapi hidupku dengan segala yang aku butuhkan. Walaupun aku bukan anakMu yang baik, tapi Engkau selalu mengasihiku dengan segenap hatiMu.

Semua yang aku raih sampai sekarang ini adalah berkat Engkau. sedikit sekali pekerjaanku dalam KaryaMu ini. Engkaulah yang membuat segalanya indah tepat pada waktunya.

Sekali lagi, terima kasih.

 

party blast…

owkayyyh… eventhough i did not win at tonight’s performance, but at least this time i’m a stage freak!

yeah, after all those years i was shaking and ashamed when entering any stage… i finally find myself as a stage freak. even though i did not win, but i am winning myself, and that’s what matter.

yeah… cool!

this is the pics, in case you wanna see

this one is kinda crispy....

smile with bold red!!

agenda

owkay… i have made a big turn up point in my dream this week. I am proud of myself!!

1. finished my ADB application and sent it directly to a DHL person which came into my office!

2. finished my total application in 1 day and struggled in an economy train to University of Indonesia!

3. make a decision to take eiffel scholarship, ignoring the risks (the possibility is i had to pay my own tuition fees), and just go forward!

4. having a sudden interview with my marketing director and senior brand manager, regarding my interest to move into marketing! iyeeahh.. and despite all the stupid things i said, i am actually saying lots of great things indeed! so, again… i am proud of myself

nonetheless… this is not ended yet. my target is to get admitted in sept 2010, in the name of God. amen!

How i miss him, but i gotta be strong!

apparently the flame already burned down and the magic has begin to fade away.

yap.

that magical and adventurous love will be ended. that butterflies in my stomach which always make my day. well, I can do nothing but accepted it and be mature. Unfortunately, I haven’t found any other chemistry. Yes, there’s someone show his outrageous attention to me, but i haven’t find the chemistry between us.

but, well… that first man had already passed me and I will make sure he regret it.

I am too good for him, he doesn’t deserve me.

and I believe I can find someone else way better than him.

encouraging reply =)

from audencia nantes….. despite the fact that I still had to pay application fee of 100 EUR

Dear Stephanie,

Both your CV and letter are of a very high quality. You do not need to have a GMAt score to apply eventhough it is recommanded and appreciated by our jury members.
Considering what you say in your CV, if you have excellent university records, this should compensate the absence of GMAT.

Now, I really want to encourage you to complete the IMM application before November 15th so that we have enough time to present your file for the scholarship should you be pre-selected.

guys

can’t keep my mind off from guys, maybe because i’m normal =)

maybe Australia wasn’t that bad anyway =)

a blew in my chest

I really wanna hug everyone nears me since yesterday!! I am in a huge happiness…. I even can’t draw it by words…. it’s been such a time when I feel this way…. this feeling of success just blew in my chest and spread into my lung….

Gosh…. I nearly cried when I finished my toefl test. I wanna go to South Pole and jump into a big hole. I can’t even think wise.

several days afterwards, I got my senses and start to regret why the hell i took that test. it just cause me pains.

but, then i remember that i’m not alone. If I have faith, then I will give all the result to my God.

i started to make plan A, B, C… in case my toefl is ruined.

but 13 days after the disaster day.. I got the best gift in the whole universe. I wanna dance in the middle of the night at my silence room. and i did dancing. a dance of a victory.

Gosh… 2 days after I saw that numbers, I still can’t hold my breath. I am just too happy…. thank God i’m not giving up…