i just remembered that..

when I feel sick tonight, I just remembered that my Mom only several times applied vicks vaporub to my body when I sick..
I miss my mom figure, even she’s always here already…
being sick for me means being alone at home, try to sleep well and get sweaty..

I still love her, but honestly it’s difficult to be a tender son if you don’t have a tender mom..
lately when I went home, we always fought and fought..

why can’t you be un-purposed mom, mom…
why I always felt you utilize me..
why I always felt you never satisfied of me..
I have give what I can give to you, but it’s never enough..
I don’t wanna stuck in options whether I should do anything you told me to OR fight you so I don’t have to do those thing..

I think being independent will make you proud of me, but you keep adding my pressure..
you keep sculpt me to be someone that is never enough for you..
you keep sculpt me to be someone that is not you..
you are only human, either do I..
so let us not placed any burden in one another shoulder..
so I can step lightly and sure when I bring someone home, he’ll feel accepted..

I don’t have quite wonderful kids memories, but it’s okay, cause I have my present..
so, I am hoping a lot that you could wishes me a very happy golden-age moments..

I wish someday,when I became a mom, I can give a tender cuddle for my children, no matter how harsh my life..

for whatever reasons, I still love you..
you are still the best mom in the world…….

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