what i feel now…

how life can turns upside downs in just a blink of eyes.

my dear friend, my friend that i knew from 6 years ago, just made a confession that she’s no longer a virgin.. and she did that with someone’s husband. no, i don’t judge her because she did that. it’s because i love and care her so much, i don’t want her to ruin her life. yes, if people said love could ruin you, so i must thank God that i am safe until now.

God’s still take a good care of myself, despite all of these things happening in my life, i don’t do something way over the limit.

i don’t care even people out there doing this and that, all i know i want to keep this until the perfect time. until we made promise in front of God, to support each other in good or bad… i don’t even care when people said marriage is only a legalization of sex, because i keep my own personal values, and it’s not influenced by others.

God, give me a big heart to accept this reality….

in the other side, i think i can’t stop my heart to bloom… and i don’t know whether he felt the same way like me, because i kinda thought so. today he just being so sweet. after friday, i thought he just playing around with me with that shrimp thing, but he keep being nice to me constantly…

“Stef, makan dong udangnya… jarang2 loh gw potongin makanan buat orang… please please please?”

“enggak” (glek… sial, kenapa sih dia harus sok berkorban begitu)

“ah lo gitu deh…. ayo dong dicoba dulu udangnya.. please.. please.. please?”

“nggak mauuuuu….!” (aduuhhh…. gw jadi inget mantan gw yang dulu maksa gw makan sea food! damn!)

“kenapa sih, loe kan gak alergi… ayo dicoba dulu dong…”

“tapi ini kegedean.. gw potong dua lagi…”

ketika gw mencoba memotongnya, dia merebutnya dengan sendok garpu lalu memotong daging udang itu menjadi dua dan menyerahkannya kembali ke piring gw, anyway saat itu kita makan sepiring berdua… that what friends do in his dictionary!

akhirnya gw punya rencana sempurna dengan bilang sesuatu yang gw harap akan membuat dia deg2an sama kayak gw, tapi kayaknya gak ngaruh deh sama dia… he’s so professional!

“yaudah, demi loe gw makan nih…..!”

“iya.. ayo dong…..”

glek, gw makanlah udang itu, dan rasanya kayak ayam karena digoreng kering sekali.

and now he started to calling me “Tep”, and not “Stef” anymore.. i don’t know why.. only God knows…

i started to miss him, but i can’t be too depending on others… because it will be a boomerang for me. so, when i spent time with him, actually i am excited and terrified at the same time.

i want to say that i love you!! but, i don’t. there’s too much difference between us… and we only can be a very best friend 🙂

as i said to wisnu, i wish.. i wish if that time has arrived, God had prepared someone else to fill my heart and ease my pain, so this heartbreak won’t kill me…. 🙂