arrive from (fake) heaven :)

yaps, as I said before (and you may have sick listen to this): i’m an adult… so i am aware of every action that i took and ready to accept the consequences…

when i’m in “heaven” these past weeks, i tend to forget everything. my toefl course, my friends, my room, and even myself… well, that’s my fault, i can make everything in balance. and see what happens when i’m flying too far? i dropped.

i know, that flying to heaven and then fall apart is better than did not flew at all. at least you’ve try and you take the risk.

and yes, it did hurt.

these past two days, which i assume would be very beautiful, in fact turned into disaster. i forget the basic law in building a relationship with him: do not chase, and he’ll chase you. when we start using heart, and start wanting to own him, he will run… run as fast as he can!!!

and yes, i forget about it. it is because what my friend said to me last monday. and honestly, until now I don’t know what is God purpose to give me that information. but i will know, someday 🙂

so last night i did something very impulsive, in which i never done in my life: grab a taxi at 8.21 PM and go to a mall, to do whatever it takes not to think about him anymore.

and today, i was late to wake-up for my choice renewal.. my alarm didn’t worked anymore, Gosh!! but, i can’t sleep afterwards. i think it’s because i am still unstable. so, i decide to clean my room (something that i always ignore these past 2 weeks), go to gym, eat hoka2 bento by my own (because i’m hungry…!), meet my friend and go to blok Q church which turns into a fabulous experience!!!!

yeeeesssss, the blok Q church is totally awesome! the design is so modern and the building is tall. glasses and cool bricks are everywhere. this is the sample of a modern church…. i like it so much.

plus, i got a bonus: a handsome and pointed priest!

and he’s chinese, something that was rarely found…. and his speech was cool! i think i will go there oftenly… really open my mind of a modern catholic church…!

after that, mine & ari’s journey still continued.. we went to warung melo at kalibata.. and we think that place was cool to be lived in, so we searched for several lodging house, but we got nothing. and then we talked about renting a room together, because i was kinda tired to live in a room without AC. yes, i’m tired to be sweaty every time i sleep. sleeping is the most essential thing for me…. the panda girl.

then we continue to pejaten village, bought the proposal tickets, and window shopping….. and the proposal movie was super cool! yeah, not a very great ending like what i expected, but it’s cool enough for me….!

in the end of today, i just realized that i am way too far these past 2 weeks. and none of these supposed to turn me into dilemmas. you know, choosing a spouse is not something you can control. such as, when i want to run from my heart break to that man who offers me affections, yasmin said to me, “why? that man is innocent. why do you make him as your back-up guy?”

she’s right. if i don’t have the chemistry, so i shouldn’t go for it. it’s not because i’m in a shitty condition, so i can use him to cure my heart. that won’t worked.

so, now i am calming down a little bit. after all this ups and downs emotion, i am coming back to my starting point. i have analyze all the situation, and yes.. my first prioritize is to optimize my toefl course and get the best scores in my october 10th toefl. i can’t be failed again. i got to do my novena, i got to learn hard… and the deadline is ticking!! i should prepare all the documentations for Usyd deadline in november!! in fact, i gotta send it before october 3oth, to make sure i had enough time from Usyd….!

and after that, i can do anything i like. i won’t make any limitation in love. if the right love has arrived, i won’t be hesitated to grab it. and if that love hasn’t come until now, that means i still had time to focus on that priorities… be grateful 🙂

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