waiting or enjoying

here I am, waiting for my temporary roommate -ririn, come home from her hometown, Bandung.

Nonetheless, today I just strolling with one of my bestfriend -Z (stands for Zabeth) and her boyfriend, Glenn. I think I have become a specialist in goin’ out with couples and somehow…. being their advisory.

yeah.. another story, my other friend’s boyfriend (which apparently has turned out as “Ex” boyfriend recently) just text me in YM, telling that my name has being put-up as a bumper to hide an affair. wow, it’s indeed shocking and i was kinda mad at that moment, because my friend never ask for my permission -to use my name on purpose. But, hell yeah… I think it’s useless, because now they are so offer.

He text me a loooong message and told me that he is so in love with her. i tried to cheer him up and I said he deserve a better woman. and in the end, i’m kinda tired being healer in other’s relationship.

it has being the fourth relationship from 3 different friends!

and yeah, plus the fact i hang out regularly with couples, Z and glenn. of course i often imagine that someday i will not go alone with them, but bringing my plus one. but, i think that imagination hasn’t block any of my preferences. yeah, tell me i’m stupid, but i still choosing that megalomaniac yet funny man, than a nice man who offered me safety. I think i’m not running on safety, not yet. yeah, i’m stupid, but that what my heart said… so be it.

yesterday i ran a date, with someone who has been eager to call a date with me since 3 months ago. I have put him off in the first month, because i was being so paranoid that he was sorta lookin’ for a future wife. marriage, is something i also wanted, but not now. i have so many dreams to chase before i get to that M thing.

yet, after one of my friend at office told me the ‘shoe theory’, i just realized that i shouldn’t get seriously in relationship. I just had to playin’ around before i finally find who I really wanted.

skip things, he bought me something from hongkong and we meet yesterday. well, honestly he is really a nice and naive man. before, i believe that all man is gay nor bastard, but apparently there’s still a good man with no hidden agenda in this world. It just…. I haven’t got that tickles in my stomach, and I think i have turn the flame down because I said to him I don’t want a relationship before pursuing my master.

yeah, he’s debating my hypothesis, but in the end…. I said the right thing. I don’t want to have a long distance relationship. I want to enjoy my master fully, with the adventure inside it. I don’t wanna be rushy in completing my degree because somebody waiting for me in Indonesia.

well, if that so, u may think I will not have any relationship until next year? i don’t know. oh yeah, i still had a giant crush on that other man i’ve been talked about in the previous entries, even though so many times I said our gate had closed. but, he always had the power to cheer me up, to make my life more ‘alive’, and to bring me into some fantasy. that is why i called myself as stupid.

uh, well… now i’m in the leisure mode. i don’t push myself to have a boyfriend, because i’m not sure it would be best for me. first thing first!!

but i am not closing the door to play around, hang out, or even just to manage my loneliness with some accompaniment. i’m just an ordinary person. i think i will torture myself if i just close my heart until next year. i will be so desperately lonely!

well, anyway…. love is a mystery, so is life… so, just enjoy the surprises!