i don’t know why, i couldn’t be that woman who thinks relationship as a door you can open and close easily.
i’m a choleric melancholic girl who always her life in control and tend to over dramatized everything.
that is why, i only have one relationship until this age.
because i’m so picky.
i even wondered how to break a man before i even date him.
i always fall in love to a wrong man, because i always look at their appearance only.
i care about what people might say about my man, so i choose the cute one.
when i have the cute one, with looong records of short term relationship, i thought i could changed him.
but apparently mine is only another short term relationship of his =)
here i am.
still affraid of people who might concern about my man if he’s not thin enough, not handsome enough, not settled enough………….
still repressed my feeling, because i’m affraid i will fall with him and forget all of my dreams……………
plus, now i’m affraid of commitment.
so, i’m wondering. if i was still here and there, still the same freakingly choosy complicated girl as i was 12 years ago……………….. where i would be in the next 5 years??
i might still being a single woman, who might had one relationship, but it broke because i fall in love to a wrong man (again) and dump those men who really loves me, only because they aren’t cute enough.
anyway, i don’t know what to do.
i just want to follow my feeling.
if i was used to repressed my feeling, because it’s who i am, only God could change it, because i’ve tried!!
this is when……. i reach this dot. i don’t care. if the time has arrived, God will say it outloud to me. even if He’s not, i will know eventually.