start on the hard one

i don’t know why, i couldn’t be that woman who thinks relationship as a door you can open and close easily.

i’m a choleric melancholic girl who always her life in control and tend to over dramatized everything.

that is why, i only have one relationship until this age.

because i’m so picky.

i’m cynical.

i even wondered how to break a man before i even date him.

i always fall in love to a wrong man, because i always look at their appearance only.

i care about what people might say about my man, so i choose the cute one.

when i have the cute one, with looong records of short term relationship, i thought i could changed him.

but apparently mine is only another short term relationship of his =)


here i am.

still affraid of people who might concern about my man if he’s not thin enough, not handsome enough, not settled enough………….

still repressed my feeling, because i’m affraid i will fall with him and forget all of my dreams……………

plus, now i’m affraid of commitment.

so, i’m wondering. if i was still here and there, still the same freakingly choosy complicated girl as i was 12 years ago……………….. where i would be in the next 5 years??

i might still being a single woman, who might had one relationship, but it broke because i fall in love to a wrong man (again) and dump those men who really loves me, only because they aren’t cute enough.

anyway, i don’t know what to do.

i just want to follow my feeling.

if i was used to repressed my feeling, because it’s who i am, only God could change it, because i’ve tried!!

this is when……. i reach this dot. i don’t care. if the time has arrived, God will say it outloud to me. even if He’s not, i will know eventually.


2 thoughts on “start on the hard one

  1. You definitely have a talent for coming up with worst-case-scenario’s. Even now, in the privileged state you are in. So ‘Don’worry, be happy’. And even if it eventually turns out you will be single that also might be a blessing – my long time pal Lex married in his fifties but before that I envied his happy-go-lucky lifestyle.

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