1 months and 2 weeks in Rennes

After 1 months and 2 weeks here.. this is what i feel:

1. Okay the people are nice, but maybe I’m the one who’s not nice enough. I need to get myself used to say “bonjour” when meeting people. Because my beaulieu (dormitory) reception just scold me when I didn’t do it.

2. I like this city.. but now I realized that this city is very small.. Practically I don’t know what to do after a month.. I think I’ve been to everywhere here..

3. Yes, I had a very wonderful memory last week with my BF.. and that made me miss his place so much. Anywhere, as long as we can be together.

Rennes famous cidre! C’est formidable!

So, yesterday I saw my ex-crush pictures in facebook.. He looks awesome, with his muscle.. looks like he’s been exercising a lot 😛

So that made me think.. Why did I chase my BF to Indonesia, and now I still can still be interested with other guy.. That made me think for half-day. I almost asking the same thing to my BF, whether he ever feel the same like I do. But I know that if he say yes, it would make me disappointed. And if he know my story, I would hurt his feeling.

Okay now I will use Indonesian to express my feeling..

Sedikit banyak kejadian kemarin membuat gue banyak berpikir tentang betapa selama ini gue sering menyakiti hatinya. Kejadian hampir kehilangan dia menyadarkan gue akan semua hal yang pernah kita alami selama 2 tahun lebih ini.. Gue sadar bahwa ketika gue di Singapore gue memang sering take him for granted, seperti yang dikatakan Yen. I always doubt it, but indeed it’s true. Gue sering menyalahkan dia atas hal-hal kecil, dan langsung marah nggak keruan.

I know I said a lot of bad things to him..

Dan gue sadar bahwa gue memang cewek ambisius, buktinya gue nggak pernah mau menyerahkan segala hal yang gue mau, demi bersama dengan dia.. Padahal banyak temen-temen cewek gue yang akhirnya jadi domestic girl karena pada satu titik mereka harus mendukung suaminya.

Gue nggak tahu apa yang akan terjadi pada akhirnya.. apakah gue benar-benar akan menyerah demi dia.. karena gue nggak yakin hal itu akan membawa efek baik pada hubungan kita selanjutnya. Bisa saja gue jadinya nggak puas dengan hidup yang gue jalani dan kembali menjadi cranky.

I don’t know why I love him so much.

Maybe because for all these times he never hurt me, even once?

Gue menemukan jawaban atas pertanyaan gue mengenai mengagumi laki-laki lain. Menurut gue, sampai kita menikah pun kita akan selalu menikmati pemandangan indah.. Namun pasangan hidup itu beda dengan pemandangan indah. Pada akhirnya muscles nggak akan bikin gue bahagia di tiap detik hubungan gue.. tapi kecocokan lah yang akan bikin gue bahagia.

Selama ini kita menjalani hubungan dengan banyak perbedaan, sampai akhirnya dia sedikit beradaptasi dengan kebiasaan gue (lucunya dulu dia melarang gue untuk menekan tombol TV dengan kaki, tapi sekarang dia melakukan itu pada laptopnya, haha..) dan gue pun mengikuti dia.. buktinya gue sekarang sudah nggak begitu clumsy lagi seperti dulu.. I used to think being clumsy is funny, but after being with him I realized that less clumsy made your life easier..

So I guess I know why I love him, and I shouldn’t feel guilty ketika gue mengagumi laki2 lain yang punya postur indah.. karena manusia memang begitu adanya. We like to see beautiful things, but in the end we just need a companion to be there when we need them.. to understand us when all people in the world couldn’t do it.. to believe in us when we even don’t believe ourselves.

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