This is one rare moment in my life where I thought I’m going to die.

When you’re healthy, death seemed so faraway and scary. Apparently when your body hurts so much, you wouldn’t care that much of going to die. Death even seemed better than a painful vain. 

You wouldn’t care about how much money you’ll spent, how much things you need to sacrifice in order to get rid of the pain.

I thought I’m gonna die, and I don’t care. I also understand I must let go people that I care when it’s about time they need to leave this world, because forcing them to be in pain is not a better choice at all! The best thing is to let them stop suffering and be in peace. 

The pain I’ve been through for more than a week ago was attacking my digestion system, now I don’t even remember how it feels to be healthy. Now I understand the pain of ill people out there, when they thought their world has ended, yet they are still breathing and there’s a life to continue.

I feel very sad and emphatic to my ex-colleague, her half body got stroke few years ago and she’s not completely recovered by now. No one can do anything to helped her, we can only smile and help her to walk. I guess as a human that’s the only thing we can do, being emphatic and trying to convinced her that she’s not alone.

Well I’m alone now, in my house. Yet I know people cares about me, although they also need to continue their life. 

I wish I can be healthy again, I really do, and I know this is a sign from God that I need to change my lifestyle. I need to change my behavior. It took a painful lesson to change. 


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