linear regression

half an hour ago, I’m trying to focus on logistic study for Tuesday’s exam, but I were having brain freeze.. I’ve been procrastinating since last week (when I said I don’t have anything to do, instead I have tons to do.. the projects and exams..) but now I don’t have more time! I need to study NOW!

Yeah, so I did 1 small exercise, and it’s not that bad.. except the stupid calculator which made me so angry, why do I need to press shift all the time?? But after that I need a break, haha.. I feel so old.. and now I’m thinking to sleep.. Oh My God fortunately I don’t have so many exams, imagine my friends who has almost 10 exams! I’m too old for this..

I remember I begged to go back to school when I was working.. because I hate politics and maybe I just wanna run.. But now, I wanna run from here too! from the fact that I need to squeeze my brain again.. But I need to finish this, I’m old means I’m an adult, so no more running from reality!

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reflection

I am almost 27 years and 2 months now 🙂

Oh, feels so old! in 3 years i’ll be 30 😦

but as I see behind, God is pleasant enough to give me things that I’ve been wanting for and consider it’s as a life achievement 🙂

So, now.. I don’t have anything left.. and just let the beauty of life comes to me with it’s magical way 🙂

35 more days i’ll meet my BF!

I miss him so much.. he’s my home.. and i’ll come back for him..

Fall in love with the right person

The bitter and sweet.

When I’m in high school, I used to have a crush with some men, but everything ended bitter for me.

Oh yeah, it does taste sweet when I feel that he had crush on me either.

But in the end, i’ll realized that he does not like me.

In college, I have my first boyfriend.

But, my relationship filled with 90% bitter and 10% sweet things.

It began with sweet act, treatments, words.. but finally i realized that he’s the type of man who will broke every women’s heart.

Then I began to feel that love is a very dangerous thing, and if you’re not ready.. better avoid it.

When i’m not in love, i feel stronger. I can face anything, any challenge, any career stage in front of me.

But when i’m in love, i tend to be weaker.. to be boneless.

But, shit.. i’m a human.

I always like somebody, because I have feeling.

So, then I met this man..

I thought he was not my type at that moment, but I am really curious with his cool-ness.

And i don’t know why.. I always replied his in messenger or text.. I can avoid him like i avoid any man that (i thought) i don’t really like.

My heart was scrambled, i can’t even guess my feeling.

What i know is.. this man had all the good things that you could expect from a man.

He doesn’t smoke, not a drunker, love his family so much, and he’s very responsible.

But i did not really thought that this relationship will leads to “something”.

After 1.5 years.. I realized that i hurt him many times.

But he’s still here, besides me (not, technically).

He always trying to understand.. for who i am, who i want to be, and the evil me.

He is very patient.. listened to all my messy day, my heartbreaking career, or even my PMS cramp.

He can accept me telling him fat all the times.. and he bought a hula-hoop because i asked him to be slimmer.

I cried several times during this relationship, but mostly because i’m very impulsive.. or I’m in my period.

He cried for me twice, and i remember it all.

I remember every second of it.. and i’ll never forget it.

I remember that when we first have this relationship.. I always complaint about the physical things.

But now.. when I see his face.. the first feeling that i got is.. home.

Yeah, his face is a home for me.

A place where i could go after i’m tired working.. and most of all.. a comfort.

I feel very peaceful after seeing his face.

Even he can put-up with me not allowing him reading my blog (at all) for 1.5 years! At that moment I said I need private space.

And he can put-up with that, and now I dedicate this entry for him and allowing him reading my blog for the first time 🙂

Before,

I can’t find out the most reason why God put us in this long distance relationship.

Maybe because God knows I will always dream of overseas life.. so then HE put me in this closest overseas location.

Or maybe.. God just want to show how much he’s patient with me.

When I feel frustrated with this condition, he always calm.

Even though i hope that he could cry with me.. but i know deep inside.. he missed me as much as i do.

Magically, in this relationship.. I don’t feel any bitter.

It always taste sweet.

Now I know how it felt to fall in love with the right person.

Now I know, love will taste bitter when you’re in love with the wrong person.

Thank U God for everything 🙂

For what I ask and I didn’t ask, but YOU made it all for me.

Thanks for YOUR greatest blessing ever.

PS: the most romantic thing he ever did (even though I always says he’s not romantic) is waiting for me sleeping for 1 hour in front of gtalk! yeah, i was very tired and sleepy at that moment. So, i just fell asleep and he waited for me.. he said, he enjoyed looking at my sleeping face. Aww, babe.. you’re so sweet.. Thanks for making me feel the prettiest girl in the world 🙂

working in Singapore

Singapore new symbol: Marina Bay Sands

I know that i haven’t been writing for ages.

Yeah, lots of things happened to me these few months, so I just lost the motivation to write and share my life journeys.

But, I want to give tribute to Maria, one of my best friend in college who has posted my quote at her facebook status. Thanks gal! you make me wanna write again, especially my dream is to have an Adsense account, since now am a Googler 😉

So, how’s my life nowadays?

It’s been fun, challenging, tiring, and lots of missing moments.

It’s just that, working in Google and abroad are 2 points that has changed my life stage.

You know, working in Google with all it’s facilities had made you think no more about resigning, other life objectives, and you can just be steady.

No, working there is not heaven, because you must be sure that everything has it’s flaws.

Hence, being separated with my boyfriend has made me realized that I don’t wanna be lonely. Lots of success career woman indeed lonely. What is life all about if you’re lonely? You only bought Prada or LV to make you feel better, yet what you need is a soulmate.

working in Singapore is great, especially because I had a wonderful work environment (I do realize that Singaporean culture is not very friendly, but I’m lucky that the company culture is stronger). I just missing one thing, a companion.

When I go home and feel really tired, I am hoping that I can meet someone that means a lot for me. I don’t wanna go home in an empty room.. or house.

Last week my bf visit me for 5 days, and we really use that precious time together, because we know that it would ended soon. We’re not always in good condition, sometimes we fought for small things. But, I guess that is what companion is. I knew that we’re still afraid with the word ‘marriage’ because it last for life. You can’t just change your mind sometimes.. or when something bad happened to your mate, you can’t just runaway. It’s the biggest commitment in your life, including having children.

Anyway, I’ve been pushing my bf so hard to find a job here… while I knew he’s having his moment at Kraft now. I do feel bad, but I also knew that he miss me so much too.

We don’t have much option now. And when we decide to get married, our option will be reduced further. And that’s what you will trade for love. Or at least not to be lonely all your life.

what if.. tomorrow never comes?

What if you only get the chance to choose 1 dream? What will u choose? I knew this day would come, when I need to choose.. Him or my dream.

I know I can get it both, but not now. As our relationship grows stronger and better.. I’m affraid, how am gonna miss him so bad when am leaving. I can choose between career or school.. But leaving him is a different thing. Now that people said my career is at progress, and I start to enjoy it (not to mention those days when I’m sick if it).

But, what if tomorrow never comes? Should I choose my career, him, or school abroad?

I know being with him is one of the best thing in my life, and starting in new place is ain’t easy at all. But, this is about now or never. This is about expressing myself, before am stepping into the new level of commitment.. I need to ask God, to give me the best way to choose.. Because I’m really confused.. I am so damn affraid, if I ended up choosing the wrong way..