GRATEFUL

Grateful.

I finally realized that life is a combination of changes, and one thing that certain is the uncertainty itself.

After 5 months settling down in Indonesia, I realized that human could not change in an instant, yet we need time to adjust. There some people blessed with the ability to adjust, yet most human needs TIME.

But for sure, GOD is greater than all your problem.

And thank YOU GOD for all the lessons, blessings, and love that you have given up to this moment.

Success, failure, hope, bitterness.. I embrace everything as part of the beauty of life.

Be patient MY Child, and live your life to the fullest.

Take every chance, try everything.

It might leads you to something you never imagine, but NO regret.

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Culture Shock

I have been returning to my country for 3 weeks, so far it has been 90% great and 10% awful. The great things are.. able to spend time with family, playing with my niece and adore God’s amazing work on creating such a tiny angel (who can be super annoying as well, most of the time), aaaannnddd.. for sure, spending a superb quality time with my BF!

After all, he’s the reason I’m coming back and so far he has been supppeerrr nice! I really feel grateful that God has sent such an amazing loving creature into my life. I never feel loved like this in my life!

Yet, as we know 10% awful things was contributed by the most problem in the world: money. The fact that I do not live for free in my parent’s house and I need to spend money for my personal needs as well! That’s why I’m super confused and feel like I need a job soon!

In this recent weeks, I’m thinking whether I should go back to my old job, since Indonesian office didn’t really respond to my mail (sighing).

I don’t know whether the distance would kill me or not, and for sure if I moved there it’ll definitely for money.. and for a better good, people said. I hope I can retire early and spend quality time with my family in the future. That’s my only goal for now, I guess.

Let God light my way.. guide my footsteps and I shall surrender to His will.. Amen.

What is my next purpose in life?

That’s a great question.

Actually, that is my BIG question nowadays.. to myself.

I have no idea what is my purpose in life after working in Google, accomplishing my master, and planning to get married.

To be honest, my current ultimate goal is getting married with the man who already waited for me for 1.5 long distance relationship and proved that he is Mr. Right. But aside from that, what else? I have no freakin’ idea!

If you asked me what kind of job I want to do? I have no idea!

I can imagine myself working as visual merchandiser, interior designer, or fashion designer.. but I don’t have enough education to apply for that job. I also do not want to waste another time of my life to make career switch, because I did that so many times!

Ah well..

Let me start by asking to myself.. what is my end goal?

I have been influenced by a simple laid-off European style, how they enjoy their life not by rushing to catch up subway, or working like crazy.. I just simply want to spend quality time with people I loved, seeing my children grows and seeing their complete life cycle, and after all.. be happy!

I no longer want high position career and all those compliments from people.. that I’m such a great woman. All I want is a fulfillment inside my heart..

But I don’t know how to make it happened!

I have no idea.. I was thinking making my own business will help me to be in that track, but now I feel overwhelmed. I can’t master everything and I can’t ask everyone to help me without hiring them as a professional!

I guess I just need to think how to do things right, in order to be happy.. I guess happiness is something we need to pursue, not something given.

Hiccup

I guess that what people said when something does not happened as expected!

It’s unavoidable and can be.. annoying!

I was prepared for my job interview today. I woke up 1 hour before, getting ready, make sure I looks perfect on the camera. But time went by, it was 10:10 AM (supposed to be 10 AM) and nothing happened!

I had a bad feeling, then I contacted the recruiter to ask. She was surprised and she said she’ll get back to me. I ended up waiting ’til 10:30 AM, and I need to go to the toilet. I was shocked to see my Gmail when the recruiter said I didn’t pick up my phone, indeed my phone was with me all the time (except when I went to toilet, obviously..). The interviewer called me 4 times, she said. I didn’t receive any call. I was really confused because I don’t know what to do! And she said, he kinda upset because of that.. well, that’s not my fault.. So both sides are kinda upset now, thanks to technology! 😦

I feel like this is a jinx or hiccup, or whatever people wanna call it.. and it feels baaaddd when you prepare for something but it’s being delayed or postponed. But I was praying before and ask God for the best thing to happen. If I have faith, that means I believe that this happen for a reason, a good reason.

Therefore, put my smile and carry on!

Good karma and bad karma..

I believe in this world there’s a karma.

Good karma for everyone who’s doing a good deed without thinking what in return for them.

Bad karma for people who do bad things without thinking others.

I also believe there’s a soulmate for everything. In love, life, career, death, birth.. 

those situations will always come at the right time, just when you need it. 

Sounds naive, sounds vague. 

Some poor people might be dead before someone give them foods. I realized that. But I also went through my life journey, that my worry-ness will never resulting in anything. Only prayers and hardworking gave me something to gain.

Even tears make me stronger.

Therefore, I don’t care what happened now, with all of the uncertainties.. Things come and go in a sudden, but I don’t care.. I won’t change any of my life plan because of things that come in a sudden. Because I believe someOne up there has planned everything for me. just in time. just beautiful.