finding nemo and something else…

well, currently i feel like such an evil.
i’m not that saint girl anymore, plus now i rarely care of my family.
uhm, well, I think this is just one of the moment that will changed eventually (hopefully).
I just felt that I have to chase my current happiness, eventhough sometimes I’m affraid that I am over the line.

I don’t wanna go home to Bogor.
I fought with my mother by telephone.
I yelled at my father at the last time I went home.
I don’t have that much friend in Bogor… so I think I got reasons not to go home..
so, am I over the line?
hopefully not.

I admitted that I’m a bit outside my previous track, but it’s okay, because life is full of suprises, and I shouldn’t square myself in my imaginary useless box.
go to the wildest, go to the scariest, face your fear, spread your wings…
that what I did now, but still trying not to abandon the values. I still have families, still have to secure my future, still have to struggle hard…

aku ingin begini.. aku ingin begitu..

those who had simple dream, will reach close enough..
but those who had set their limit high, will reach high also..

hahahaha, suddenly gw jadi pengen ini-pengen itu.. the world is not enough!
pengen punya pacar ganteng, tapi ga tulalit..
pengen punya karir marketing, tapi pengen S2 juga..
pengen punya mobil, tapi ga pengen melarat..

impossible is nothing, but you should be sane enough to dream.. be careful of what you wish for.. jangan sampe jadi buah simalakama!!!!!

my life nowadays..

wuah, feels like ages since I write this blog! is this blog still has readers? ahh, I don’t care..
I can’t push you to looovvee my blog, so just read when you like it, skip when you hate it, hehehe..

anyway, as you know, lately I always talking about a man that bugging my mind.. well, I do like that man, but I haven’t reach the “L” word, a.k.a love. that ‘like’ feeling make me want to spend all of my time with him, eventhough there was a time when I feel we are absolutely mismatch.. we doesn’t talk the same language.. we doesn’t adore the same thing.. and sometimes I ran out the topics!!
well, my like feeling began decreasing pieces by pieces.. so, just be it, hehehe..

in the mean time, I still enjoy spending my time with him.. feels like there’s no time limitation in my life, hahahaha..

for career: in the beginning of this week I went to a meeting outside office with my dept head. I was glad she finally pop-up the words, asking about my career passion, to be precise about marketing!!!!!

yes, I want it!!
my boss had made promise to me, that if I kept my performance until the end of this year, she will come to the marketing director, to ask him to find me a job, hehehe..

okay, let’s analyze this..
currently I have 2 big dreams.. marketing and post-grad degree. if I quantify the numbers, which one I want the most???
hummm.. actually I like marketing better. because post-grad degree doesn’t guarantee I can have my beloved job. I can have much money, but money can’t buy everything, huh!
so, for now, this is the percentage:
– marketing 55%
– post grad 45%

so, my decision is to wait for her promise.. but still seeking for other job and post grad scholarship.. but maybe I will turn down a little.. my main focus is on my performance.
whoaaaaa… gw mst berdoa banyak2… we can’t believe 100% to human.. it’s only God we must keep in faith..


I am so much blinded..
damn, just realized that i’m nothing but his another victim..!
am I just too weak or he just too expert?
naaa.. even the strongest woman can be fooled by don juan.. so, i’m normal, hehehe.. i’m glad being normal :p

ekkkkaaa, plisss heleepphhh.. (hahahaha, maklum ka, woman in desperation nich! :p)

well, everytime I heard about his bling2 life, I’m just shrinking and much more away from my dream. as if I was shifting from ‘academia’ into ‘metropolista’. I don’t want it to happen before getting postgrad degree!! I gotta be strong.. I deserve a love, but I can’t lose my focus.. (it’s my problem.. always losing focus.. i’m afraid that I wil end-up as middle mom who’s working hard to feed her children and living in a small-small house.. sighs, I should’ve do better than that 😦 )

masih terasa…

extremely tired, but my heart still stabbed.
hard to breath, hard to sleep..

when you give someone, you’ll get it in return..
is it true?…………..

aaaaaarrrrrggghhhh! stupidooooo!! this should be the right time to end my miserableness!!!!!!!! I want to scream outloud and smashed things!!
why did you say that in front of a lot of people?!
why you kept hiding secret from me?!
why I can’t guess what on your mind?!
why you kept lying?!
coz you’re not more than a bad an immature man, and I should’ve kicked you right away!! you’re not worth it!!

anyway, my friend also trying to forget his ‘impossible’ love, so I guess we both join the broken hearted parade… who else want to join? hahahaha…

argh! 00:24!! try to get some sleep, will ya?
I have no enough sleep since tuesday.. c’mon heart, don’t be too weak. you gotta be as strong as diamonds, because love is full of torn..!

why do we have to love if friendship stays longer?
if we love, we want to own..
after we own, we want to keep it just for ourselves..
because we kept missing it..
because we doesn’t want to be apart from it..
if we love, we’d be a terribly selfish human..
love could bring world peace, but also wars..

but, we was born to loving and be loved in return..
love makes life interesting, with bitter and sweet inside..
to like and hate someone..
to be overwhelmed and cries outloud..
to make you spend money just to buy something nice and see the excitement..
to make you blind and cheating from your own friends..
to defth your ears from people’s advices..
maybe love could be more generous with one condition, love should not be controlled..
when love knocked your door, you should’ve offer it a seat..