photo parade

@oen pao kemang

with my mommy

with my bestfriend in school

with my big and only sister

PMS

ugh, i hate PMS.

it makes me sorrow with no reason.

it makes my tummy go round.

it makes my friends think i’m a weirdo.

uhm, well.. since i’m a woman, i cannot avoid this monthly period.

and this month i’m officially having one of my worst PMS.

there ain’t best

waiting for someone who might not be there…

gw skrg lagi ngerasa kayak gitu.

pernah nggak sih lo ngerasa… lo pengen nunggu sampe ada orang terbaik buat loe.

dan skrg gw mikir… mungkin orang yang terbaik itu ngga ada…

cuma ada orang yang ‘baik’, dan kita melewatkannya karena berpikir setelahnya akan ada yang terbaik.

sorry yaa… i think too much… orang2 bilang gw terlalu banyak berpikir, hehehhee..

a note

i feel want to write.

anything in my thought.

or something that i learned for past few years.

after working for more than 2 years in a consumer goods company, i know that supermarket like c4 would get more beneficial trading terms and exclusive promotion, things that would makes me go there frequently. and yeah, based on our government data, they already own more than half of the market share, but a consumer still a consumer. we prefer the cheapest =)

another thing, after having 1 credit card, i feel wicked. for just 3 months, my bills is along the way…. it begins to fly fly fly away high.. until i can’t control it. so, i decide to live without credit card anymore. well…. not for full, because i can’t waste those promotions upon my eyes. but, i will less take that wicked card. or maybe i will just put it in my drawer. i don’t care about the point. i can buy anything on cash… sigh! this is just one.. i can’t have more!!

to talk about love has never been boring. yes, i don’t have many butterflies in my stomach for him, even i still have few. God is nice… He gave what I asked for. I prayed, if he’s a good man for me, please make us closer. but if he isn’t, please help me to forget him (which is had a replacement). and yay….! i think i got one =)

I decide to go merry-go-round with boys, while i having a serious commitment is none of my short-term agenda recently, and it goes fun…. yeah, i need an adjustment to turn a serious and nerdy girl inside myself to be an easy going and fun girl. but i know, this is something precious i ever learned. nothing wrong with being an ambitious girl, but being a grumpy is.

I want to be someone who live the life to the fullest…

being spontaneous yet pursuing my plan in life.

being intellectually charming yet loveable.

being an independent woman yet doesn’t mind to have someone cuddles me.

being a great mother who’s also an incredibly cooking master wife.

he he he…. i know i can’t have it all, but never harm to try =)

hmmmmm…..

Trying to grab some sleep, after 13 hours sleeping today… well, sometimes this insomniac thing could be such an annoying…

how can we not to get intrigued with other’s success? if life is a competition, how can we stick on our lane?

After seeing an old friend’s facebook pages, she is currently living in Ohio, marry to a handsome and (looks) success man, listed as student at Ohio State University, and working.

Gosh, how I am so envy her. yes, no matter how I hide my feeling, but deep down inside I envy her.

but, well… get real. Trying to guess someone’s live is happier than us is not a good thing to do. I am only seeing her from what she seen in the pictures, but not her as real. We will never know her burden and her sorrow. And i should not consider life is a competition, because we have our own chosen lane. Do not get teased by someone who teared off their finish line first, because we have choose our very own path.

Huffff… well, my heart is so uncertain now. my mood had crash-over for these past days… and I don’t know what to do. After got the loop and reach my top of rollercoaster, now I’m back at the bottom.

I simply hate my current job, because my imagination of my future job in January is very strong… I have felt the euphoria too early. moreover, the politic get sucks here… I am wishing to pursue my postgrad as soon, so I can leave the dirty politic. I even think to comeback as an lecturer… well, there will always be politic everywhere, even in college. I don’t know.

My lovelife is getting worst… after several weeks being the flower and enjoying those bees…. I just have a bad fought with that selfish megalomaniac man. In the end, I realized that I’m alone, even though I’m trying not to be lonely. yes, if I stick with my option not to get committed to someone… I will always comin’ home alone. Seeing those cute pre-wed pictures at http://www.axioo.com had brings up my imagination. I should ignore and do my best not to get teased…. nonetheless, life has kept it’s best surprises…!

Now may I get a comfort sleep and working as hard as I can tomorrow! I got invoices to settled down early!

doomsday

do you believe in 2012 doomsday prophecy?

i used not to, but after watching that movie i began to surf the internet and after several research on Mayan prophecy, I started to think maybe it’s true…

but, whether the end is near or not, we can no nothing to change it… if it’s going to happen, so be it.

it will never change on the way i struggle for my dream.

it won’t make me panicking to get married soon, like what some indonesian people do.

but, yeah.. i should enhance my good deeds, before the end is really ended.

nonetheless, panicking is useless…. the keyword is humanity.

aiming for something

I am wondering… is it so difficult to aim for what you want.

Is people care us so deeply until they kept talking about you’re such being an ideal?

Is it that painful to take a good care of your dream?

Is it harming everyone else?

Okay, at this moment… I feel very grateful that i’m alone. it’s not i want to be alone forever, because i don’t. I just think that someday we had to choose between ourself or someone we loved. And now I know why western people loves to be in an open relationship, because they choose themself.

one of my friend said she envy me because i know what i want. and yes, i do. i had a life plan, and even though sometimes shit happens and my plan did not worked out… but i create another plan.

Having no plan in life is such a waste, i think. because life is too precious to be wasted. you can’t just follow where the money flow runs, because in the end you will realize that money is only a media…. it’s not the end objective. of course, you also have to enjoy all the surprises in life… such as indian lamb I ate yesterday =)

well, she just a small amount of people who understood how to want and chase something. while, the other thinks i’m crazy. but, i always said, “we’ll see who will laugh in the end.” they all may laugh on me, but in the end i will laugh on them!

i can’t understand how a person take a tight grip on someone and never let him/ her pursue her dream. like what my boss exactly do. she thinks she can give us enough happiness, so she can retain us. in fact, we all had our own agenda, and it doesn’t mean we’re not loyal. this is about career, dude…

I hate when people critics on the way I pursue my dream. I really do. They are so shallow, they cannot understand the richness of dream. They can only earn money and then wasting it. in the end, they will have nothing….

lonely

India Arie sung, “I feel so alone, but never lonely.. you just ot to find the joy inside yourself.”

it’s just so many couples and marriage seemed so trendy nowadays. but, i won’t get blurred with those comets, because i am aiming my own shooting stars.

just back from Bandung, paris van java of Indonesia (and hopefully someday be able to visit the real Paris ;)), because i do need vacations. lately, i hate my job. maybe it’s because my body was there, but my soul wasn’t. my mind keep flying away to my future job, a job that i have been waiting for 2 years and 8 months… and I just don’t want to wait even just a second.

i even able to sacrifice my bangkok trip.

and actually it’s been a thought, since I may had to leave my “dream job” for my other “dream”. I am aiming to get admitted in postgraduate degree in 2010, and i can’t wait any longer either. it is all because my timeline to get marketing career had been postphoned so many times,so it’s catching up my postgrad timeline.

God, i can’t decide which one is more important. All i know, God make everything beautiful just in time. So, i think rather than make myself dizzy with all time arrangements, i’ll let God decide which time suits best for me =)