life plan

yeah i know plan is not always work in life.

and my BF always think that life should flow like water…. and we just follow the flow.

but, in this matter, i think i must plan ahead.

because it’s about what i want.

it’s about squeezing the options i had, and choose one.

to be honest, now i want 3 things:

1. going abroad

2. get married

3. make my own business

so, how can i prioritize? I can get everything, just not at the same time…. -___-;;

i guess money can settle down everything, right?

so, what i need to find is… money!

so, i need to build my business first… then maybe took a short course in US, netherlands, or aussie…. and get married šŸ˜€

voila!!

but, it’s not easy and it’s not a short time to build a business…

well.. a year can do… with help from my BF, of course.

i can leverage his expertise in bakery or noodles.. i can make a restaurant that serve noodles comes from beneficial nature elements.. such as carrots, fish, or shrimp? hihihihi… yet, making a business means start from small things and ended up big!!!!

fiuuuuhh… when it is written, it is easier than just let it all be scrambled in my mind…..

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my prayer

I don’t know why now i’m rarely have that deep and private conversation with my Saviour…… in fact, i do need Him in every each of my way….

“Dear Father in heaven…

my heart bumping so fast in the past 3 weeks…

and every day i open my mail, praying to You…

awaiting to see something i expected…

a good news will cheer me up… or even makes me dancing for 10 minutes… and makes me smiling 2 weeks full…

but bad news might stab me… right on the heart.

Dear God,

without am saying, i know that.. You know.. this has being my ultimate dream since 3 years ago.

even after i had the guy that really cares for me.. i still wanna go.

because i know, this is my only chance.. or at least my big chance.

i have make my way to this part…. and i need Your help to make it all done.

to grant my dream.

Dear God,

in every of my prayer, i said that iĀ  let your plan be my destiny…

and i will try to manage my feeling, whatever the result is…

i know i am only human.

i can feel disappointed.

i can be upset.

but i will try my best not to judge You.

because You know best for me, like You always do.

so, whatever the result is, i will always love You.”

today….

yesterday we had a fight.

i told him “i think we need a break”.

he said “no, i don’t think we need a break”.

he admit his fault…. and it’s because he’s so pressured at work.

his launching date is approaching and he need to focus.

i said “the increase of your career might be the end of your relationship. you want to make a balance of both? try harder!”

i don’t know. i never want to be obstacles for him to reach his career, in fact i want to be his back-bone or a shoulder for him to cry on. but, he never told me what’s bugging his mind. i never know.

then today, he come to my place.

he said sorry and he’ll change.

i cried. i can’t say anything for 20 minutes, because i can’t stop crying.

i’ve been crying for 3 times in 2 days. a night 2 days ago, this morning, and this noon. i can’t sleep well, my blood pressure is low…. and i just can’t stop being in misery.

i said, you must understand that the problem is beyond only text. i’m sure he’s willing to change, but he need to understand what’s the real problem.

he said, he realized that he’s changing since the beginning we start this relationship.

that is the same reason why i ask for break period.

but he said, break means one step closer to break-up, and he doesn’t want it. he want to keep “us”.

i said “tell me 1 great reason why you don’t want us to break”

he touch my hair…. and tell me a story.

“for this 10 months, you’re the only woman who can understand me well. you’re the only woman i can imagine to be with. yesterday when you asked for break, it makes me want to… cry”

and he cries… for real!

i hug him. he hug me tight and hide his face on my hair. this is the first time i saw he cried, and the 1st time he hug me like a little child asking for protection.

i never think that boys don’t cry. in fact, i appreciate a crying boy, because it makes him a human. i don’t like when a man pretend that he’s strong, because i believe we all have fragile heart inside.

i saw his face.

he said “i look ugly”

i answered “no, you looks like human”

oh my God, seeing him crying is very heartbreaking. now i know why men are weak to women’s tears. because it is very inconvenient to see our beloved cries. i know he cries for me, and it touch me even more. but, i don’t wanna see him crying again, it’s just very…. heartbreaking….

and then we hug each other for such a time.

then, i pull him and ask him to tell me all his worries… allthe pressures… whatever he wanted to tell me.

we sit side-by-side, and his story flows… as his tears begin to flow as well.

i wipe his tears yet it keeps flowing…

oh my God, now i know he’s that pressured. he worries much. he held so many burden.

i encourage him, i believe everything will runs smooth, i believe he can do best!

yes, i do believe in him, and it’s not only sweet words!

i won’t forget today.

the day when he cries for me.

the day when i wipe his tears.

and the day when i start seeing him as a human, not as a ubersexual men who always strong and unbeatable.

and it makes me bond with him even more.

Spring in London, UK :)

Hi… i’m back!

this is my journey note, and some tips for you, traveller!

Day 1- Meeting Cesc Fabregas

Day 2 - tower of London (get a peek with the British Guard)

Day 3 - River Thames Cruise. Don't forget to take a pick with big ben, london eye, and tower bridge!

London Eye! i didn't ride it, not very interested though, as i've rode KL's eye, and it's quite boring. anyway, this ride is very pricey! 40 pounds, if i'm not mistaken.

British Museum! 2 words, awe-some!!! this is the cool-est museum i've ever seen! felt like watching "night at the museum" movie šŸ˜‰

don't forget to pose with this cool paid bicycle, spreaded all over europe! go green!

London zoo. don't go there! it's so old and the animals are sleeping in the morning. yawn...! even Indonesian zoo is more entertaining!

day 4 - emirates stadium!!! another awesome place!! oh God, it is such a stunning feeling to watch the match LIVE!!! i should watch more in the future!

arsenal vs aston villa. the tix price is 45 pounds, but our agency sold it for more than 4 million IDR! anyway, arsenal lose to aston villa 1-2 šŸ˜¦

the famous picadilly circus! this is like the rendesvouz place for all people in the world! and now i know what's the reason now šŸ™‚ the atmosphere was great and the view are just awesome!

heathrow airport. they said, terminal 3 is the most beautiful! unfortunately i didn't depart from terminal 3 (i guess 1 or 2). anyway, the security is so strict, because my friend said, they found bomb before.

melia white house hotel... the price is approx 3 million idr per room. the room is so small.. while the other facilities is okay. if i went here by my own cost, i will absolutely choose hostel! i saw some cute hostels on the road..

this is tower bridge, not london bridge, sez the tour guide. because london bridge has falling down, like what the old songs said, haha... it is so pretty! it has lots of ornaments... the prettiest bridge i've ever seen in my life.

proudly introduce... jreng2... W hotel! my friend said, this is paris hilton's fav hotel. it is located near soho area and china town. looks cool and hip!

subway train in british called "tube", and it has 4 layers underground tunnel!! Gosh, crazy!! but it's quite old, MRT in spore and HK better. but it's okay lah, i dont know when will indonesia have subway train.