yesterday we had a fight.
i told him “i think we need a break”.
he said “no, i don’t think we need a break”.
he admit his fault…. and it’s because he’s so pressured at work.
his launching date is approaching and he need to focus.
i said “the increase of your career might be the end of your relationship. you want to make a balance of both? try harder!”
i don’t know. i never want to be obstacles for him to reach his career, in fact i want to be his back-bone or a shoulder for him to cry on. but, he never told me what’s bugging his mind. i never know.
then today, he come to my place.
he said sorry and he’ll change.
i cried. i can’t say anything for 20 minutes, because i can’t stop crying.
i’ve been crying for 3 times in 2 days. a night 2 days ago, this morning, and this noon. i can’t sleep well, my blood pressure is low…. and i just can’t stop being in misery.
i said, you must understand that the problem is beyond only text. i’m sure he’s willing to change, but he need to understand what’s the real problem.
he said, he realized that he’s changing since the beginning we start this relationship.
that is the same reason why i ask for break period.
but he said, break means one step closer to break-up, and he doesn’t want it. he want to keep “us”.
i said “tell me 1 great reason why you don’t want us to break”
he touch my hair…. and tell me a story.
“for this 10 months, you’re the only woman who can understand me well. you’re the only woman i can imagine to be with. yesterday when you asked for break, it makes me want to… cry”
and he cries… for real!
i hug him. he hug me tight and hide his face on my hair. this is the first time i saw he cried, and the 1st time he hug me like a little child asking for protection.
i never think that boys don’t cry. in fact, i appreciate a crying boy, because it makes him a human. i don’t like when a man pretend that he’s strong, because i believe we all have fragile heart inside.
i saw his face.
he said “i look ugly”
i answered “no, you looks like human”
oh my God, seeing him crying is very heartbreaking. now i know why men are weak to women’s tears. because it is very inconvenient to see our beloved cries. i know he cries for me, and it touch me even more. but, i don’t wanna see him crying again, it’s just very…. heartbreaking….
and then we hug each other for such a time.
then, i pull him and ask him to tell me all his worries… allthe pressures… whatever he wanted to tell me.
we sit side-by-side, and his story flows… as his tears begin to flow as well.
i wipe his tears yet it keeps flowing…
oh my God, now i know he’s that pressured. he worries much. he held so many burden.
i encourage him, i believe everything will runs smooth, i believe he can do best!
yes, i do believe in him, and it’s not only sweet words!
i won’t forget today.
the day when he cries for me.
the day when i wipe his tears.
and the day when i start seeing him as a human, not as a ubersexual men who always strong and unbeatable.
and it makes me bond with him even more.