(pengennya) not another sad entry..

yeah, i’m supposed to be very cheerful today, because my new hair looks quite success… but, tonight, i got two slaps on my face. nope, let us rewind from this afternoon… i don’t know what happened, is it me who gets pretty, until all abang2 in the world ngisengin gw….

it sucks, though…

ternyata jadi cantik itu, selain menyakitkan (beauty is painful), juga kadang meresahkan…

gw ngga mau kembali jelek, tapi masa gw mesti ngeluarin duit banyak untuk mobil! uuuhhh….

sebenernya gw pengen sih, tapi gw kan belum pengen settle… gw masih pengen s2 dulu, dan mobil ngga ada dalam skema besar gw setahun ini 😦

anyway, hari ini 3x gw digodain abang2 gak jelas di jalan, salah satunya penjaga karcis busway! Gosh, kemerosotan tingkat edukasi semakin parah…. bahkan merambah ke penjaga tiket busway…

well, sekarang gw punya 2 pilihan… cuek beybeh aja, atau mulai merogoh kocek yang dalam untuk bayar taxi! kita lihat sejauh mana gw bisa bertahan! I rock!

ditambah lagi malemnya temen gw protes lewat YM, soalnya nyokap gw nitip barang berat banget lewat dia. padahal gw udah berkali2 bilang sama nyokap gw, kalo mau nitip tuh kira2. gw herannya, temen gw udah gw jelasin kondisinya, eh malah sensinya sama gw…. uuurrrgghhh… walaupun sebenernya gw juga sebel sama dia, karena dia sama sekali engga pernah berkata terima kasih atas informasi gw yang membuat dia memiliki pekerjaan yang lebih baik.

ketika gw cerita sama Temma, eh dia malah mengkritik gw habis2an.  well, intinya sih menurut dia penyampaian gw itu nggak baik, cenderung provokatif. emang sih, belakangan ini apalagi, gw mulai cepet naik darah… well, dia bilang kalo gw bisa merubah sikap buruk gw itu, gw sempurna deh. hey, i will try to change. but i can’t be perfect, because nobody does! kalo sikap gw semuanya bener, lantas gw udah jadi malaikat dong?

kadang2 gw bingung apakah harus berubah atau engga.

in someway, gw ngerasa nyaman dengan gw apa adanya sekarang ini. dan gw takut kalau gw paksain berubah, gw akan jadi orang yang ngga menyenangkan lagi..

tapi, gw harus berubah, kalo itu untuk kebaikan…

i don’t wanna be a stubborn rock… gw mesti mau dengerin masukan dari orang lain, supaya gw bisa makin dewasa dan berkembang : )

despite all of the options

well, people said when opportunities come, most of the times they will come at the same time. That’s why, life is about choosing.
but, hey, this opportunities just been made, it hasn’t been finalized yet. I don’t have to be silly to make a long tought of it. I just have to go for it, enlarge my road to those. and when I finally go to an end (while I had several ends), that when I had to choose. That when I gather all of the considerations and decide what best for me.

so, now… all I have to do is deminish all of the disturbia…
all those people who can bug me to my goals…
all the worlds that I shouldn’t belong…
and I shouldn’t be tempted with that, something that I cannot reach… something that can blurring my goals… something that I will regret in the future.

in Bali.... trying to think who I am and who I wanna be....

smile to the hardest ever : )

who said it will be easy?

no, it won’t.  because that what make it beautiful when you finally got it.

destiny

lucky to have a family : )

do u believe that God create our destiny?
or we are the one who creates our own destiny?

are you the X type or Y type?

kayanya lama2 gw kebanyakan nulis ketimbang belajar, hihihihihi… anyway I must keep in mind that toefl is not that frightening, apalagi di ibt gak ada structure 😀

speaking about destiny, today I had a discussion with my boss… gw kesel banget kenapa sih she kept talking about destiny… I just need a chance to try out the opportunity, that’s all!!!!! uh, gw jadi jiper juga nih lama2 sama marketing… I really need a back-up plan…..I can’t be forever at Kraft, anyway…… I gotta moving-on with my life….

ah sudahlahhh.. hajar bleh ajaaa… kebanyakan mikir kaga jadi2 tauuuu, hihihihihi…..

catatan seorang pejuang akademis

@KL sentral station... go backpackers!

hihihihihi, yuppp.. this blog is officially changed from a ‘desperation note of a love begger (i always fallin love to a wrong person…. it’s fact)’ into ‘a note of a person who struggle to reach her dreams & believe that each effort counts….’

hehehehe… ammmiiinnnn!!! aiesec gw udah goodbye, dan terus terang it makes me terrified… gw udah spending so much efforts & money to be a member of aiesec internship program…. but i’ve wasted it because I can’t live without my salary….. sad fact, but it happens!!!!

actually, I kept struggling to keep my life in low cost, because I don’t want to be tied-up with money.. but the more I work, the more I tie my knot with money… it’s about the city, the community, the lifestyle, and the habits….. you are your community…

well, i’ve through hard moment to convince myself that toefl ibt, which will cost me quite much money (prediction test= usd 600, international test= usd 150, course= 3.8-4.1 million idr -which I will not join) is worth-it…. it’s like an investment, at least for 2 years… so, if I took this test, i’d have to push myself to search various scholarships, so it won’t be a waste…… I just have to believe in myself!!!! i’ve tried so much with aiesec, sometimes decrease my standard, but I do have a standard… and I guess my standard and their standard was not matched…… so, sutralah… 1000 failures, 1001 success.. like what happened in Mapres… u just gotta believe in yourself :))

ayo semangaaaattt… tingkat tune-in gw sama buku barron tercinta ini makin meningkat…. dari minus menjadi 10%, hihihihihi…… I hope it gets better day by day!!!!!!! ammmiiinnnn…. ya Tuhan, bantulah akuuuuuuuuuu >_<

this lovely weekend (hopefully)

my aunt and bule cousin from USA will arrived in indonesia at may 23rd this week!!! yippiieee!! even though we’re so bad at family gathering.. but, this is a rare moments… the last time she went to indo was about 3.5 years ago… when i’m still dating my ex, muwahahahaha… now you know how long i’ve been single..!

tapi, akuu baik2 sajaaaaaaa, hidupku sempurnaaa… i’m single & very happppyyyyyy…… uoooooooo-uoooooooo…. (finger crossed), hihihihihi……

anyway tadinya gw memutuskan utk ke bandung menghadiri kawinan junior asdos gw….. tapi setelah dipikir dan dimasak….. gw malessssss!!! because eventually I had to go to bogor in sunday morning!!!! uuurrrggghhh… 😦

jadi, i’ve to choose between these though options….. huhhuhuhuhuhu, sayang gw ga bisa membelah diri 😦

hhh, the new lazy me….

jujur nih ya….
jujur…..
sebenernya gw pernah mencapai suatu momen dimana gw berpikir…. ‘udahlah gak usah S2…’

pada saat itu gw baru dapet incremental salary yang lumayan, sampe2 gw berpikir.. kerja ternyata lebih enak dari kuliah…. ga usah mumet2 banget, gaji pun nambah terus…. palingan mst tahan aja sama politiknya.

moment itu berlangsung sekitar sehari… trus untungnya, gw disadarkan sama orang2 sekeliling gw yang sedang meraih impiannya masing2. gw ngga mau, suatu saat gw tersadar kalo gw udah jauh ketinggalan sama orang!!!! gw ngga mau jadi yang paling belakang… eventually orang2 itu akan s2… dan gw ngga mau s2 ketuaan dan married ketuaan juga (mit-amit….). asumsi gw, kalo someday gw married, gw udah mencapai personal ambition gw, jadi udah gak ada utang lagi, hehehehe…

well, sial…. baru nyetel cd toefl 15 menit aja gw udah mumet… mana tuh buku udah keriting gara2 gak pernah gw sentuh selama setengah tahun…..!!!!!!! gw seneng, I finally had things that matter in my life, tapi kok i’m such a lazy girl yak!!!!

kayanya gw harus berkorban ikutan les toefl ibt niks!!! besok pagi cepet2 browsing…. huahhhh, deadline menanti!!!!! if i’m sure with myself, no limitation could stand in front of me!!!!

tephie is back in track!!!

ugh…. he kept posted ugly pictures in FB… siang sama si cewe ini, malem sama cewe itu… eventhough I knew that that women wouldn’t wanna be with him. haree geneee… cewe cantik ya pasti milih cowok tajir lah, biarpun perutnya buncit…. kan tampang gak bisa dimakan? hehehehe….

tadi gw sempet emosi berat, rasanya pengen langsung gw delete dia dari friend list gw!! tapi, buat apaan sih?? kalo gw kesel, artinya dia menang dong… toh faktanya, gw ga masih harus punya hubungan baik sama dia, it was inconvenience reality, but I had to face that!! I can’t just runaway, like I always do……

lagian, kalo dipikir2… it’s a good momentum for me to jump up from my comfort zone & I will be in a deep regret if I missed any scholarship again!!!!! just in time, I just had 1.5 months to join the toefl ibt international test…!!!!!!! maacih Tuhan :))

now, the space in my brain who used to be for him, had to be emptied & filled with my toefl study focus!!!!

I just had 1.5 months.. if I use 1 hours to study effectively, means I only got = 1.5*1*30=45 hours!!!! phewww….. itu kalo gw disiplin…..
aduh, ga boleh stress… jgn dipikirin! start act, honey…. iya, besok kalo bisa 2 jam deh, dari jam 8-10 pm 😀

the scumbag of all…

good looking man is all scumbag!!!! something that I have to had in mind, permanently…!!

si kampret ini belakangan terus membombardir fb dengan foto2 seronoknya sama cewe2 dari yang tua sampe yang muda & tampang artessssss…. satu hal yang perlu gw ingat adalah, cewe cantik itu mungkin bikin kita tertarik pada pandangan pertama, tapi selebihnya….. bikin Il-feel… itu ngga tau, ini ngga tau…. hueehhh…!!!! sama halnya dgn cowo ganteng, hihihihihi…..
hummm, nice experience in life, great lesson not to repeat it in the future :p
beware, scumbag is everywhere….

one litre of tears….

sekarang cuma lagi pengen nangis…. nangis… dan nangis….

suddenly I hate Jakarta and all the fake world it offers… I hate it…. I really hate it!!!!!

why can’t I just fallin love to a regular person…. I want to run and scream from this f**kin reality….. T_T

taken one week ago, at museum bank mandiri