I hate goodbyes

yep, dulu gw benci banget sama perpisahan. maybe because I appreciate friendships a lot. yaaa.. masa kecil gw terbiasa sendirian, main2 sendiri, gambar2 sendiri, nginep di rumah grandpa dan baru pulang ke rumah pas weekend. that’s why I hate being alone.

and now, in my workplace, turnovernya tinggi banget. mungkin karena pressurenya besar, jadi banyak yg memutuskan buat cabut. lagian biasanya ‘lulusan’ sini dihargai sama perusahaan lain sih, jadi kemungkinan melompat lebih tinggi sangat besar (kapan ya gw ‘lulus’ dari sini, hehehe..)

senin krmn last day nya temen kos + temen kantor gw, Ayu. biasanya tuh dia lah orang yg gw datengin saat gw lagi lonely di kost. secara tuh anak tiap hari nebeng nonton dan luluran di kamar gw gituuhh, hehehe.. jadi pas she decide to leave, it really broke my heart. hari senin tuh gw kerja dengan perasaan hampa, merasa kaya dah gak ada alasan lagi for me to hang-on. temen2 dah pada cabut, kerjaan penuh tekanan, and I don’t tasted with money. yeah, jadi hari senin kmrn muka gw mendung banget. remembering the days who’ll gone by..

tapi, dalam kemurunganku lantas aku berpikir, hey! yang namanya kehidupan itu datang dan pergi, ada lahir dan ada mati. if you cried when someone passed away, then why did you laugh when a baby born?
itu namanya balance of life. kalo ga ada kematian, maka gak akan ada kelahiran. jadi, ketika seseorang meninggalkan lo, lo harus ingat kalau itu tandanya akan banyak lagi orang berdatangan dalam hidup lo dan meninggalkan kesan dengan caranya sendiri. if you insist being with the same people, you may can’t get out from your comfort zone and see the world! that’s the point of being an adventurer, meeting a lot of new people and go ahead after that.

remember: never say good bye, but “i’ll see you again!”

there’s only one theme park in Indonesia, sadly.. hiks..

heehhee.. minggu kmrn kita farewell-an di dufaaaann.. temen gw ada yg mau resign, hikshiks.. it’s Ayu, my bestfriend at office and kost.. hwaaaa…

mau naik simulator.. foto2 dulu with the girls!!

hehehe.. temen gw, si jenni siahaan, sang batak yg gahar, ternyata takut ketinggian! pas kita naik bianglala alias ferris wheel, dia ga berani lihat keluar, dan sampe pengen nangis hehehe.. gw juga scare of heights sih, tapi ga segitunya :p

kan fear is our biggest enemy 😀

 in heights, and wondering to reach the sky :p

 hehehe,., sumprit, basah semua baju kita2. si citra ama jenni sampai beli celana pendek yang biasanya di jual 20ribuan, tapi disana harganya 45-55 ribu! iiggh, pemerasaaan…

hehee, overall, I’m (trying to) have fun sih, secara gw lagi gamang banget.. yah, soal asmara dan career, as usual. tapi ya sudahlah, seperti tertulis dalam alkitab, “segala sesuatu di bumi ini ada masanya.” jadi, kalo saatnya ngumpul2 dan have fun, means: we have to enjoy each minute of it! jangan pas mereka dah pergi, baru nyesel deh… soalnya gw skrg sering banget ngalamin perpisahan, secara di kantor gw turn-over nya tinggi 😀

ok, see you in another holiday!

 

sighs..

nyebelin juga ya ternyata kalo hampir setengah kantor ngejekin kita sama orang yang gak kita suka, bahkan termasuk orang yang gw suka! bingung ya? hehee.. ya, that’s my condition currently.. terjebak seperti daging ham dalam sandwich. pada satu sisi, gw fall in for someone, tapi orang itu dah punya someone special, dan makin diperparah lagi karena temennya suka sama gw, huhuhu… ga enak banget deh. yaa, you can call it as triangle love or whatever.

dulu sih seneng punya fans, hehee.. tapi sekarang kok rasanya jadi getir ya, secara gw juga males nolak orang (ga tega, red.) tapi juga ga mungkin maksain diri gw, kan? tapi yah, be grateful aja deh atas segala sesuatu yg gw alamin, baik asam atau manis rasanya. it’s hard, but i’ll hang-on 😀

Will Smith’s quote

“most people in the world spend money they haven’t earned and buy dress to impress people they don’t like,” begitulah katanya will smith.
that quote made me think, artinya hampir dari kita semua hidup dlm kebohongan! yaps, financially and phisically.

tanya kenapa?

waiting for the best

Heyhooo…

gw lg di kantor nihhh… hm, sebel juga nungguin gerbang yang tak kunjung terbuka 🙂

Ya Tuhan, bantulah anakMu ini…. amiiinnn

kata temen gw, nasib itu ada di ujung usaha manusia. dan gw juga ngalamin sendiri kalo sebenernya ga ada yg matok what we deserve, selain kita sendiri. misalnya aja dlm hal nyari kerjaan, sebenernya ga ada yg bisa bilang lo deserve utk jadi A, padahal sebenernya lo pengen jadi B. walaupun mungkin lo terus-menerus ditawarin A, tapi kalo lo tetep berusaha dan percaya, maka lo bisa aja dapetin B.

ada satu contoh, temen kantor gw. dia berasal dari ‘daerah’ nun jauh dr jakarta, dan dia sebenernya pengen kerja di daerahnya aja. wlpn lulusan teknik industri dari universitas negeri terkemuka di kotanya, tp dia malah ditawarin jadi sales motor bahkan jadi operator call centre! yah emang sih ipk-nya biasa aja dan lulusnya pun 5 tahun, tapi kan teknik industri giwtu loohh… nah, katanya sih dia iseng2 aja ngelamar ke perusahaan ini ketika lagi ngadain project dan campus tour ke uni-nya. taunya keterima, 3 bln jadi surveyor, dan kemudian dapet posisi permanen dengan title key account executive 🙂

nah, dari sana kita bisa belajar kalo nasib itu emang ada di ujung usaha manusia. if you decide to give up and just accept things upon your eyes, you will get it. but, if you damn tried, give your extra effort, you may get more than it!

pengalaman gw juga sih, dulu sempet bete banget pas ditawarin posisi MIS training (ga jelas gitu, tapi yang pasti clerical banget dan dengan gaji minim) di suatu bank. begitu juga pas gw ditawain kontrak 6 bulan di perusahaan risk analyst, dengan gaji 1 komaan. duh, rasanya kok gw sedih banget karena cuma ‘dihargain’ segitu. tapi gw mutusin buat terus nyari dan ga mau nyerah sama keadaan. akhirnya sekarang dapet yg lumayanlah… walaupun masih pengen mencari yg lain, hehehe. ya iyalah, manusia tuh ga boleh diem dalam ‘comfort zone’nya, mesti terus belajar dan mencari tantangan hehehe…

Traveler’s KICK OUT

There’s 3 kinds of novel I enjoyed:

1. A popular novel i.e. Harry Potter or Da vinci Code, which made me curious to read it (actually for this kind of novel, I used to jump to the end of page).

2. A novel consist of several short-stories, i.e. Chicken Soup or Marketing in Venus.

3. And the last… travelling books.

I don’t know, why nowadays I was so crazy about travelling. It’s just going to Hong Kong had changing my life in absurd way (means, I don’t know either how it happened). Or maybe, I just feel desperately bored about my life, and can’t wait for two more years to make my dream be real. Umhhh, actually when I started to work, I’m not sure that I could survive two or more years until I got my post-graduate scholarships. I’m sort of person whose….. very easy to feel bored. When I got no friends, no challenge, and no fun in the place I belong, I guess I just can’t find any reason to stay.

Well, that’s my condition. When my parents ask me to stay, I thought it deeply, that I may not got a second chance, and I was really struggling to finally got in this process. I’m still young, 22 years old, without beloved boyfriend who asked me to stay, and moreover not married yet. So, I think this is my chance to make my own adventure and ‘taste the world’. I just feel it isn’t my time yet for me to be settled. I agreed to leave the comfort and this “relatively quite much salary”, for being trade to experiences and opportunities.

Now, Upon my eyes there’s 2 possibilities: That I may not enjoy my traineeship (wherever it was), in addition not enjoying the environment, the community, or the job itself, and I will be crying outloud asking anybody please take me home. Or, I will be greatly satisfied with my “risk-taker-action”, love the places, the friends, the tasks, and it was all worth-it. Well, I can’t be sure about that now, because only God Almighty who knows my towards future.

But, what I know now is that I can’t hide from fearness of un-predicted future. I can’t just stay in my comfort-zone because I’m too afraid to take the chances. If I was, I will be deadly bored and even money can’t buy my happiness. There’s a feeling that I want to go away and ‘find another life out-there’, because I’m too desperate seeing my life. But, what I’m supposed to be desperate of? I got great friends, great transformation, and in process to hike my career (eventhough I feel like a trash bin). Uh, well, I guess I can’t just lie to myself and said everything was OK, like what I’d just said before. Beyond that “great things”, actually deep inside I feel empty. I could never be satisfied if I couldn’t make the benchmark. I can’t said I’m settled, if I never feel un-settled. Fresh blood, young age. Just go wherever you will go, and never let anyone hold you…

Okay, back to the book. I’ve just read the Naked Traveler and Traveler’s tale. Now I know the different between traveller and tourist. A tourist is someone whose likely went abroad to buy things, while a traveller went to buy experiences. And it said, “FORTUNE FAVOURS THE BOLD”. Now I know why top management in my office consist of BOLD people, hahahaha… (even sometimes annoying).

But, can I be bold? I may be bold at taking risk, but I can’t be bold enough to speak my opinion in board meeting!! That’s why if I could, I want to spend my life going college and giving lectures. I think, just in that part of life I’m not hurting anyone just for a bunch of money or office politics, but in opposite I was sharing my knowledge to make world as a better place 😀

Well, I wish I could..

Could I be bold and kick-out that “material” things outside my thought? In fact, seeing the numbers in my account was my guilty pleasure once a month :p

Well, when I have a husband who could work-out how I’m going to live as a lecturer, plus giving a good education for our child, I think I could. Eventhough I don’t want to join the group of “women who’s their lifedream ever was just to have a rich-husband”.

Arrrrghhhhhhhh.. my head keep spinning and spinning.. It’s like you were walking to a hole that you’ve been avoid of! Just don’t think too much and too far.. Let God plan your fate!!!

“DON’T WORRY, MY CHILD, I WILL LIGHT YOU THROUGH THE DARK, AND YOU’LL NEVER BE LOST.”

Amen (mean: I believe).

to be.. or not to be?

nih, I got a story about a girl who’s struggling to make her wedding day (not me laaaah, hehehehe…). Ga gw sangka,ternyata menikah itu ga cuma bermodal niat dan cinta. banyak kericuhan berasal dari orang terdekat kita: keluarga. sedangkaaan, gw udah cukup banyak belajar untuk tidak selalu mendengarkan semua kata orang! makin didengerin makin pusing bowww… sayangnya kakak gw itu (okay, you gotcha 🙂 ) sangat mudah dipengaruhi, malahan jadinya gw yg gemez dibuatnya!!! ighhh….

okay, in the mean time, satu orang lagi resign from my company (moga2 gw menyusul, gyahahaha…). tau nich, ini gw baru aja pulang dr proses “menggapai bintang di langit”, walaupun confidence level gw baru nyampe 80%, whether I should join this program or not.

benefitnya sih, tentunya gw bakalan bisa kenalan sama people around the world. tapi at the first highly cost banget… sampai2 gw terancam mengajukan softloan sama nyokap 🙂

ah sudahlah, kalo gw berhasil dapetin, itu tandanya Tuhan udah buka jalan buat gw, and I shouldn’t doubt it!