bbbb…

is he a gay or a bastard?

none can answer that, at least now. either one of those two possibilities, i don’t care. he’s been one of part of my life, and i’ll just have fun with it : )

but, at least now i can put aside his shadow in my mind. when i meet new guy, i am no longer thinking and comparing that guy with him anymore. well, now in front of my eyes there’s a man who’s lonely and offer his time, car, and energy for me (if it’s not a money for dating), so i’ll just go with him. even though he’s quite dangerous, but i hope everything would be fine. ehm, and not to mention several guys who’s into me… even though i’m not into them, but we can still be friends… to watch movie, eating, travelling. isn’t it the point of having “not-so-serious” relationship?

i am not ready for engagement, knowing his family and his problems, even if i want to.. because i am not ready for the end game: married. so, c’mon… in this culdesac working moment of mine, the best is having someone cuddling you even it’s not a real boyfriend. real boyfriend means real problem 🙂

i just can’t handle the feeling that i’m dating with someone’s boyfriend…. hhhhhhh…

why men marry bitches

just read it, not full book, but i notice several important things…

yeah, this is the answer of my question. why i always attract guys who i’m not attracted to.

the answer is: because when i’m with them, i’m being a bitch. i shout them, i insist with my principle and way of life. but when i’m with guys i adore to, i am not being myself.

thank God i read this book. it makes me realized that it is no use to pretend being a perfect lady. I am interesting as the way I am.

a letter from myself in the past

You, who weren’t satisfied enough with what you have achieved and feel that you don’t have enough energy to pursue your current established dream. You, who can’t get over your past and don’t have enough courage to face the risk of whatever you wanted.

Can’t you see where I am now? I’m stuck in a department where I don’t even want to be there. I have great friends, indeed, we loved to bitch about our boss or our bosses boss. But, lots of conflict happened, maybe because you will never get true friends at office. We’re been together for 2 years more, and sometimes we just sick of being together and sick of the same topic.. Always bitchin around, hehehehe.. I think we’re just about.. Expired.

I done lots of mistakes when working, and I always assume its because I hate my job. During clickin on my mouse and analizing on that spreadsheets, my mind always flying to over there.. My dream job. Every breath I take, every step I made.. I always wanna go over there. Even though people said I made mistakes with my choice, but I’m gonna take a shot on this, because this is not just about what’s in my mind, it’s about what i work on every single day, my passion, and my towards future.

every time i hesitating, i always remember this quote: “do what you love, and love what you do.” and that makes everything seemed so right.

when i got that chance in a local company, my heart is jumping. i can’t stop smiling, even their offer is kinda freak me out. but, in the end… i told my boss that i’m resigning. nonetheless, even though now my boss is following me to the same department, but it doesn’t change anything. i think i have made the right decision. giving myself a shot to prove that i am brave enough to have my own choice of life, despite all the money and position.

about the boss… c’mon, y’all know that both of my bosses are annoying. one, with all of her cheerful and sweet talk, it’s all a mask! it’s feel bitter when I finally realized that she done everything so she could get spectacular mark on her appraisal. sad, isn’t it. well, the other one is also make me disappointed in the end. she let me thinks that i’m her golden child. she let me flies around the sky, and then push me below the air and stab me from the back. when i felt it’s the price to pay, the other boss comes with spectacular marks and also having her dream comes true.

a letter from myself in present:

sometimes i feel, life is unfair. but then i remember, those who feel that way is only people who cheat. recently i felt that i don’t fit working in an office. i want to make my own business. i want to have my postgrad degree and then having my own business. my deadline is next year, while now i got to learn and having career achievement, so that i could got the scholarship!

shocking moment

Just back from my thai trip and got such a blasting news. My boss, the one I used to adore, but recently I hate the most.. Will move to marketing, and there’s a big possibility I will work with her (not to her). So, here it is. I know it seemed like a bad luck for me. Everyone thinks that way, as I do too. But, as I never knew she will walk into my life again, I will not know either what is the impact of her existence in my life. She is once grew me into what I am now, she gave me salary increase and marketing opportunity, even though it the end my performance rating broke my heart. But, we will never know, she may comes for good. I should bloom wherever I planted. With whoever I worked for.

2 am in the morning

Or more..
Infact I gotta wake up at 9 am today, oops.. I mean 7.30 if I don’t wanna be late.. Well, I just got home from karaoke.. To cheer up myself a lil bit.. But I guess it didn’t cure my heart at all.. It just make me sad.. Because I can’t have him.. And we become more faraway after my moovement.. Now I know the reason why /od give me some unpleasant relationship during my movement.. So I won’t get cried when I really moved!

But, this is something we gotta dealt when stepping out of our comfort zone.. And this is normal. Time will helas.. I believe..