maybe…..

Maybe this is the way God says that….. He will accompany you through laugh and sorrow…. good times and bad times…

Or

The way God says that….. you can have your benchmark if you want to…… because everybody have hopes……

I don’t have to find the answer now.

I have time. Abundantly. Not in a rush, anyway.

good things

there’s a good things I wrote all my journey in a electronic journal 🙂

https://stephworld.wordpress.com/2008/10/22/hike-the-world/

lucunya, segala sesuatu emang gak di tangan kita, tapi ada yang ngatur. dunia ini seperti roda yang berputar dan kemudian menjungkir balikan hidup gw. gw berusaha bangkit, mengerahkan seluruh kekuatan gw, seperti marmut yang ingin keluar dari kandang sempitnya. tapi gw mental dan mental lagi. sampai akhirnya gw merasa lelah dan berusaha lebih santai. berusaha berpikir bahwa kandang gw gak sejelek itu. kandang gw sudah dilengkapi dengan segunung makanan dan satu galon minuman. gua sendiri bisa istirahat dan bertambah tambun disitu. tapi gua ga mau istirahat dan bertambah tambun.

gw pengen menantang dunia. sejauh apa sih dunia bisa bikin gua tertawa, menangis, dan merajuk. sejauh apa sih orang2 bisa bikin gw berubah dan jadi lebih kuat. gw sendiri gak tau jawabannya.

apakah masa2 itu akan terus hilang dan melenyap dalam hidup gw. lalu gw akan menjadi stephanie, seorang gadis biasa yang tiap minggu pulang ke kampung halamannya. gw yang setiap hari memandangi komputer dan mengerjakan hal yang sama.

See, I am myself who’s expecting this moment, a moment when I’m on bended knee, cries because people is so harsh on me, but that makes me grown a lot. And I’m not the same person as I am a year ago 🙂

Huahhh, so relieved! Legaaaa!

childhood

guess which one is me?

 

Jakarta in a cloudy moment.

My friend tweeted, “Jakarta on it’s best weather”.

Yes, we all human, now, start to replicate birds. We prefer tweet than talking.

It make me realized, all action invites so many responds in a way we can’t imagine before.

So do I now, never realized that my decision has change my life into a shape I would never expected before.

I never regret my decision to move to Marketing.

Because at that moment, my life is so expired back then.

I worked for laugh, not for self fulfilling.

It’s so great I finally be able to write this on, on my dearest blog.

to share, to admit what I’ve been feeling.

What mistakes I’ve been done until I arrive at this down moment.

I don’t know whether I am really depressed, or I just making reason to run.

Because I always run in my life.

When I’m at college, I thought I already stop my habit to run, but apparently I still do.

I’ve been in several months of doubt. So I think it’s not PMS.

And now his mom is hospitalized. We all struggling for misery, it is our way to turn it into cheers.

And now it’s my agenda to see the glass as a half full than half empty.

What do I really want in life?

I’m not sure about the short-term, all I want is freedom.

Though I don’t have sum amount of money like Paris Hilton to enjoy world, but I will make a way to make it comes true. I believe I will, because faith won’t fail.

my fav song currently :)

Music is second human bless after love!!

BRUNO MARS LYRICS

“Just The Way You Are”

Her eyes, her eyes
make the stars look like they’re not shining
Her hair, her hair
falls perfectly without her trying
She’s so beautiful
And I tell her everyday (yeahh)

I know, I know
When I compliment her she won’t believe me
And it’s so, it’s so
Sad to think that she don’t see what I see
But everytime she asks me “Do I look okay?”
I say

When I see your face
There’s not a thing that I would change
‘Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
‘Cause girl you’re amazing
Just the way you are

[Verse 2]
Her lips, her lips
I could kiss them all day if she let me
Her laugh, her laugh
she hates but I think it’s so sexy
She’s so beautiful
And I tell her everyday

Oh you know, you know, you know
I’d never ask you to change
If perfects what you’re searching for
Then just stay the same
So don’t even bother asking if you look okay
‘Cause you know I’ll say

[Chorus]
When I see your face
There’s not a thing that I would change
‘Cause you’re amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
‘Cause girl you’re amazing
Just the way you are

The way you are
The way you are

c’est la vie

well, everyone had their own unstable moments.

my friend, zabeth had it now.

me too.

But i tried not to do something stupid.

And at this moment i realized, who would stand still for me.

Even when he’s mother hospitalized, i worry about him much, and i start to realized, that i like him beyond all those physical things.

I don’t know where this magic feeling comes, in fact i just knew that something bad could makes someone start to love someone else. Now suddenly i have no idea how to be separated from him, but I would, if God allow me to 🙂

the question for me now is:

how? how if you don’t have anywhere to go?

so i’ll make one 🙂

 

that’s life. c’est la vie.

a letter to my sister in Japan

apa kabar?
my nephew to be baik2 aja kan?
i’m gonna tell mom and dad, that i’m not in a good situation now.
i’m trying not to be depressed in my work, but i am. kmrn gw ke internist, katanya gw vertigo. gw sampe nangis2 di telepon ke jeffrey, gw blg mau resign. dia sih terserah gw aja, tapi gw takut kalo nganggur gw akan lbh stress lagi.

sekarang my only hope cuma s2. gw berusaha bertahan di kerjaan gw, memikirkan hal positif dan berharap hal itu akan segera datang.

si jeffrey sekarang nyokapnya lagi diopname di RS, kena tipus.

saat2 kaya gini, gw sadar kalo emang gw udah mulai sayang sama dia. kalo gw percepat s2 gw (gw berharap bisa s2 january ini, amin… doain ya… gw lagi apply ke london… kalau menurut TUhan itu yang terbaik buat gw), gw bakalan pisah sama dia. kalo dipikirin sekarang rasanya sedih, tapi gw ngga boleh takut.

sekarang perasaan gw berada diantara dua pilihan. tadinya gw pikir, gw bakalan s2 sept tahun depan, supaya pny pengalaman kerja yang cukup. tapi ternyata gw udah ga sanggup. yah dia emang bukan org yang sempurna, dan gw tahu lo pasti blg “tuh kan gw bilang juga apa”, tapi nyari cowok baik itu ga gampang. dia ga sempurna, tapi dia mau melakukan hal2 buat gw, termasuk ngurusin badan. dia juga berusaha gak bete gw hina2 bajunya, walaupun katanya itu harga diri seorang cowok.

well gw ga tau deh…. kepala gw dah mulai pusing lagi, gotta take medicine. apapun yang terbaik menurut Tuhan, terjadilah.

byeeeee…. take care

work

when I think I have give my best, but my boss think i’m not trying enough.

So it’s time for me to give more than I used to gve. To give my 150% efforts.

I want to run, but I don’t know where.

All I can do is just face the reality and say bring it on!!

All I know all these are challenges, not obstacles.

All I believe that I can make it! and God is always fair to those who’s willing to try.

night lone

I am trying to analyze what i did wrong in my previous relationship.

Because no matter i said that won’t last long, but when it truly ended, it give me a scar.

Maybe that is why, almost all people give their prayer “hope your relationship will be long lasting”, though at that moment i was strongly disturbed “why we must give a prayer for someone in a relationship?”

And now i (begin to) understand, that everything related with heart must be treated carefully.

At this relationship, i don’t know whether we stand still because of I learned from my previous relationship and trying not to repeat the same mistake, and he did that too, or is it because the other factors.

Oh yes, lot of factors could build in our relationship, though it should not be a single reason either.

We’re just trying our best over the top of our weaknesses.

no expectation, only trying and only God could define the ending 🙂