sleepy and busy :(

i feel very very sleepy nowadays..

it’s very busy at office.

sap catalyst begin it’s pass 3 testing.

i gotta attend several meetings with key account at DC in the middle of nowhere (balaraja, cibitung…. phewww).

while i still gotta attend my toefl ibt course.

and i had to maintain my weight and health by gym!!

Goooosssshhh… I am so tired!

i almost gave-up with all of these mind… that the trend is over. the abroad scholarship trend has over and i just need love….

But, in 10 seconds i realize that it was a stupid thought.

Oskar ever said to me, don’t follow the shooting star, but follow your… (i kinda forget the exact statement… but, as I recall, the point is: don’t get affected with others. follow your objectives. stick to it!!)

how to study effectively

how to study effectively (based on college real experience):

1. you don’t need days or weeks.. you just need one QUALITY TIME when you are really focusing ang highly motivated!

2. for materials in english, better write the summary in indonesian, just to make sure you get the point.

3. use highlighter and read the materials loudly to yourself, if needed. studying with audio and visual always being more effective.


i’m tired to keep guessing..
i’m tired waiting for him..
i’m tired to understand, but not being understood..
i’m tired to ride on this roller coaster!

yeah I know… few more days I might would write some sick moron poem again…

I think this is the time.. everything has it’s own expiry date.. this is the time to stop this game.

I can’t studying.. my heart is so disturbing!
mind trick.. mind trick.. keep telling that to myself!

today, unexpectedly.. a good-looking-man offered himself to have fun with me!! he got a girl, for 5 years.. and he asked me whether I want to have an affair with him.

obviously I said no! because it means that I will put myself on a second roller coaster. I must be crazy if I did that.. this feeling is tiring me. I gotta stop!

roller coaster

bisa dibilang… i’m putting myself on a roller coaster
and when i did that, i am fully aware that i’m gonna through lot of ups and downs
and it happened in seconds…
i will try to set myself free… God, help me…

mind trick

my friend -wisnu told me to do mind trick to survive from a broken heart.
well, I should have a lot of way to disperse my mind, because I need to give a lot of focus on my toefl. so, I decide not to miss him, eventhough I really want to meet him..

anyway, i feel so lucky. i just got my salary adjustment 🙂
i feel so so so lucky this year. i can be 24 with something. this year is very different with last year, and i feel very grateful of that fact.
Thank God, for every magical things happened in my life.
I will always love You, more than others.

arrive from (fake) heaven :)

yaps, as I said before (and you may have sick listen to this): i’m an adult… so i am aware of every action that i took and ready to accept the consequences…

when i’m in “heaven” these past weeks, i tend to forget everything. my toefl course, my friends, my room, and even myself… well, that’s my fault, i can make everything in balance. and see what happens when i’m flying too far? i dropped.

i know, that flying to heaven and then fall apart is better than did not flew at all. at least you’ve try and you take the risk.

and yes, it did hurt.

these past two days, which i assume would be very beautiful, in fact turned into disaster. i forget the basic law in building a relationship with him: do not chase, and he’ll chase you. when we start using heart, and start wanting to own him, he will run… run as fast as he can!!!

and yes, i forget about it. it is because what my friend said to me last monday. and honestly, until now I don’t know what is God purpose to give me that information. but i will know, someday 🙂

so last night i did something very impulsive, in which i never done in my life: grab a taxi at 8.21 PM and go to a mall, to do whatever it takes not to think about him anymore.

and today, i was late to wake-up for my choice renewal.. my alarm didn’t worked anymore, Gosh!! but, i can’t sleep afterwards. i think it’s because i am still unstable. so, i decide to clean my room (something that i always ignore these past 2 weeks), go to gym, eat hoka2 bento by my own (because i’m hungry…!), meet my friend and go to blok Q church which turns into a fabulous experience!!!!

yeeeesssss, the blok Q church is totally awesome! the design is so modern and the building is tall. glasses and cool bricks are everywhere. this is the sample of a modern church…. i like it so much.

plus, i got a bonus: a handsome and pointed priest!

and he’s chinese, something that was rarely found…. and his speech was cool! i think i will go there oftenly… really open my mind of a modern catholic church…!

after that, mine & ari’s journey still continued.. we went to warung melo at kalibata.. and we think that place was cool to be lived in, so we searched for several lodging house, but we got nothing. and then we talked about renting a room together, because i was kinda tired to live in a room without AC. yes, i’m tired to be sweaty every time i sleep. sleeping is the most essential thing for me…. the panda girl.

then we continue to pejaten village, bought the proposal tickets, and window shopping….. and the proposal movie was super cool! yeah, not a very great ending like what i expected, but it’s cool enough for me….!

in the end of today, i just realized that i am way too far these past 2 weeks. and none of these supposed to turn me into dilemmas. you know, choosing a spouse is not something you can control. such as, when i want to run from my heart break to that man who offers me affections, yasmin said to me, “why? that man is innocent. why do you make him as your back-up guy?”

she’s right. if i don’t have the chemistry, so i shouldn’t go for it. it’s not because i’m in a shitty condition, so i can use him to cure my heart. that won’t worked.

so, now i am calming down a little bit. after all this ups and downs emotion, i am coming back to my starting point. i have analyze all the situation, and yes.. my first prioritize is to optimize my toefl course and get the best scores in my october 10th toefl. i can’t be failed again. i got to do my novena, i got to learn hard… and the deadline is ticking!! i should prepare all the documentations for Usyd deadline in november!! in fact, i gotta send it before october 3oth, to make sure i had enough time from Usyd….!

and after that, i can do anything i like. i won’t make any limitation in love. if the right love has arrived, i won’t be hesitated to grab it. and if that love hasn’t come until now, that means i still had time to focus on that priorities… be grateful 🙂