my bday, 26 sept

Our activities:

1. sunday morning church at Jakarta Catedral Church. Give thanks for all the things God has nicely given to me. All the bless, all the companionship, and all the love…

2. eating noodles at Bakmi GM (“bday girl should eat noodles!” says him)

3. watching Japanese anime at Grand Indonesia (he’s allowing me: “u may sleep if u feel bored”)

4. dinner at seribu rasa menteng. he sang happy birthday song when the waiters are celebrating other’s bday (apparently me and that kid share the same bday).

Could I get used to, being loved the right way?

“I Think I’m Ready”

Katy Perry

I’m used to opening my own doors and splitting the checks
He introduced me, was always just a friend
I bought a new dress, he never noticed
Always falling for these bad boys, such a challenge
I’m getting tired, of cleaning up after them
I think I’m ready to be a woman

Oh love, I think I’m ready
Ready for it

You were such a surprise
An unexpected gift
Said I was pretty, and I believed it
Not really used to all this attention
Told myself I don’t deserve you
And this is just a phase
Could I get used to, being loved the right way?
I wanna argue, but there is nothing to say

Oh love, I think I’m ready
Ready for it
Ready for it
Oh love, I think I’m ready

Cuz you send me flowers, when there’s no occasion
Yeah we talk for hours, you still wanna listen
Won’t hold it against me if I just need you to hold me tonight
My mother always told me that you’d show up one day
So scared to feel this way but love, I think I’m ready
Ready for it
Ready for it
Oh love, I think I’m ready
Ready for it
Ready for it
Oh love, I think I’m ready

Making the right decision

Though making decision is not about right or wrong, but we always afraid to make wrong decision. But, when you get it right, the happiness is enormous!!

Day by day, I start to understand that appearance fades.. richness can be lost in a second.. but quality of a man stays.

His stomach is not flat.

His hair starts bald in the middle.

But, what’s really matter?

For all the patient he had spent…

For all the attention he had gave…

For all my critics for him (and he can handle it)…

I like him more than before.

When I’m with him, I feel like in Paris already.

just wanna be happy

I remember Z -my friend, once told me that she doesn’t care what she did is right or wrong, she just wanna be happy.

Then here I am now, in the middle of the night thinking too much about my BF status in facebook. He said he want to being in the crowd, sit alone, and having conversation with his brain. And I was thinking it’s because of me…

Well, it took delay for me to reply his text this evening. I prefer to sleep and reply after I’m awake (which apparently he’s already asleep). He wrote that status while I’m sleeping.

He’s not that kind of man who speaks loud about his feeling, he told me he’s a shy guy. A shy-phlegmatic-melancholic kind of guy.

Sometimes I felt his love burden me a lot. I don’t know how deep he like me, he never told me. But from his partially words, his shy act, how he served my meal… I just realize that my like level is way lower than him.

I don’t know whether this can sustain.

He’s a man who doesn’t speak his feeling very well.

I’m a girl who thinks about everything too much.

Can we make a tango?

trying to understand the flying trapeze..

When I’m dating in malls with him after I start this relationship, I’m busy seeing other couple characteristic.. Uhm, okay, I mean their appearance (back to the comparing thing).

Then I start asking, “why this man is being with this woman? Such as when I saw one sweet and kind of nerdy man being with a gothic and wild-appeared woman”.. Then on the other opportunity, I saw the opposite couple. Sometimes I would like to mix’n’match them, maybe they’ll look more “matching”.

Today my friend just told me her bf for 1.5years almost cheating on her. Then I thought she will be a perfect match for my office friend, which I know he’s not gonna cheat on her. But she said, she is already “mentok” with this bastard guy.

Then its all made me think.. Do God playing role in this matchmaking thing? Or its just we -human, that always falling in love too deep with our comfort zone? Is true love real? How can we love someone who’s hurting us again and again?

I don’t get it!!!!

Then I remember my past relationship, with another bastard guy, and start memorizing what sorta feeling I have back then, my answer is: hormones.

Its this fluid and impulse in our body that always makes us falling to toxic guy more than easy-breezy-good guy.

Its this shock alert which makes us feel “erotic” when toxic guy touch us, or even just whisper quietly to us..

Oh well, so I make conclusion, that God helped us to meet our match, but it is our liberty to choose whether we will hang-on for this guy or not.

So, your life, your choice!


The early moment of this relationship feel quite heavy for me. There’s so many cute guys around, and I can’t stop comparing my man with them.

So I start questioned about faithfulness.. How can a guy like david beckham decide to be monogamous.. He’s gorgeous, he’s rich.. He can get any girl in the world.

Then I watched this story, about an indonesian celeb who’s having cancer, and she can’t have any child, she’s even had to have menopause in 33 years old. Then I start thinking about her husband. Maybe its because between so many beautiful creature who’s teasing us, in the end we just need someone who’s able to be a great companion during good times and bad times?

Maybe because no matter how cute s/he is, in the end we just need someone to give comforting hug when we’re down?

Maybe because no matter how rich, how success s/he is, we just need a great companion who’s not judging us when we make mistakes?

Until now, I still thinking about those cute guys out there, and wondering will I’d be happier if I were with one of them? I don’t know.

But one thing for sure, better being grateful for someone we have now, rather than keep wanting someone we don’t have. Because when that person left, we’ll realize how much s/he means for us.