a big smile near the day :)

I’m able to save this relationship, yay, thank U God!


Tonight I asked him, what’ll happened if I decided to wait after a week pause and didn’t come?

He said, maybe the worst will happened. Thank God you came.


Yes, I think I have made the right decision, which has been blessed by God as well. Yes, I know I have been sacrifices so many thing, but after his statement, I think it is worth the price.

Yes, in life we need to make difficult decision. There’s no right and wrong, but once we decided, we need to make the best of it.

The end of the this long threads. I surely won’t forget these moments. A love worth to fight for.

still remember..

This is what i’ve been wanting for.. a lifetime chance..

when i checked my yahoo!mail and found lots of threads about scholarships, one of them is about US education fair.. suddenly my mind traveled to the past. I remember when I visited European education fair at Balai Kartini 2 years ago, and my body was breezed (merinding), and I called my BF.. I said to him “this is what I wanted.. this is what I want..”

And now, that breezed comes again.

Hence, being there for real is not really that “exceptional” (borrowing the terms I got from my Eiffel scholars fellow).. it feels, I finally make it comes true.. but it’s not everything in this whole world. I guess it’s enough to feel 6 months of it.. and I will return to my lover.

I will pray.. pray for the best for me and him.. let God shows us the best way. Maybe something will happened without being expected.. who knows?

God has the power to do it 🙂

Thank U God..

day 4

day 4 here..

still can’t sleep at night.. indeed i slept like a baby around 4-5 AM in the morning and wake up at 12 PM. Then I’ll continue my sleep at 4-6 PM. I don’t know why, it’s a mystery.

And I’m so happy because my lecture at Monday was cancelled! I just checked today, and I also asked my class-mate, Xiao. She confirmed. I’m so happy! I think this is a sign from God 🙂

Thank You God for all the blessings, for all the life lesson. 

I surely will remember this one, unforgettable moment in my whole life. Learn hard.

No more plan

Life is unexpected.. the best way is to enjoy it

I’m trying to make a plan for my life, but that’s only leaving me with lots of pain..

Since today, I have decided not to make any plan for my life and surrender to God’s beautiful plan for me.

All of these things makes me dizzy, incluse my future internship. I don’t want to think about it anymore.. I don’t want to think about all the possibilities.

I will pray Novena since today until the time is right for me. I will do that, to ease my awful feeling and to get connected with God. He’s always being my saviour.. and for this one, I also count on Him.


everytime i woke up in the noon (yeah, not in the morning).. I am asking to myself? 

Is it the right place for me?

I don’t have anything to do.. so I don’t know whether I should be here anyway..

C’mon stephy.. few more days and you’ll missed everything about this..

almost morning..

love him so much…

I couldn’t sleep.

I don’t know is it because my biological hour was mixed up or what.

Today I have slept for 10 hours (from 2 AM to 12 PM) and 2 hours (4 to 6 PM), maybe that’s the reason why I couldn’t sleep. I hope so.

Or this guilty feeling attacked me again.. But thinking of it is useless.. it won’t bring any good to me. What have been done is being done.. no need to over think about it anymore, just enjoy because now I have gotten my BF’s ‘forgiveness’. He will try, he said. He will try to pass this 11 weeks and be strong until the time is right for us to get together, and this time it’ll be forever.


i don’t know what am i doing right or wrong.. yesterday it feels so right.. but today when i feel all the restless fatigue.. i feel stupid, crazy, and pointless!
of course he would be happy to see me, but my effort is too much!
suddenly i remember meteor garden quote: “the more you sacrifice for a person, the more you’ll get hurt”.
but I’m adult, I know the consequences I need to go through.. I already made decision, and i will make the best of it.