tonight my friend will having her birthday, and now she’s driving alone in bali..

driving through the night and celebrating her upcoming 24th age alone..

wish I could be there, gal..

jadi inget ultah gw sendiri tahun lalu. I blew out the candles by myself and then crying afterwards. in this family, no one care about birthday. even yesterday when my brother was having his 29th birthday, when i’ve already bought a nice cheese cake, people kept asking the price.

I don’t know when we’re able to appreciate a moment… to make it beautiful and memorable..

anyway, happy belated birthday, rin..
When you’re sad and lonely, you just call-out my name and soon i’ll be there. =)

God works through many ways..

hari ini gw sengaja membuat kegiatan gw sepadat mungkin, karena gw pengen ‘mengutilisasi’ weekend gw dgn maksimal, hohohohoho.. hopefully there will be no gloomy mood anymore, ups, kayaknya itu impossible, hehehe.. ya at least berkurang laaahhhh.. huhuhu.. I miss my internet connection through laptop =(
tetep aja ya, hp nggak bisa menggantikan my lappy bunny.

so, I went to the dentist. nambal gigi dan scalling dikit, di dokter baru di daerah cimanggu. rada ragu juga siyh, kayaknya kerjaannya kurang ok, habisnya dokter langganan gw baru ada sore2.

dari sana, gw belanja perlengkapan rambut, lalu tergoda beli catokan, hehehe.. yg kali ini catokannya kecil, jd bisa dipake ngeblow sekaligus curling. tapi, gw akan tetep pake curling iron andalan gw itu, secara user friendly b ngets, hehehe. anyway, rada nyesel juga sih gw beli catokan itu, soalnya kok baunya rada gosong gitu ya, hahahaha.. gawat!! katanya bahannya keramik semprot, hiks, tau gitu beli yg made in korea aja..

setelah itu, gw ke supermarket, beli macem2 barang.. intinya penghamburan bangets deh, hehehe.. i’m amazed with myself. what happened to me??!!

setelah itu gw ngelayat keluarga oom gw, alias kakaknya bokap gw. di rumah, nyokap sempet cerita sama gw kalo bokap gw sedih bgt menghadapi tragedi ini. emang sih shocking banget, secara peristiwanya cepet bgt, cuma masuk rumah sakit sehari lalu….

well, cara meninggal yg seperti itu emang seperti dua sisi pisau. di satu sisi, lo nggak usah menderit terlalu lama dan lo nggak nyusahin siapa2 dengan biaya pengobatan yg membengkak. tapi di sisi lain, it’s very shocking. kita nggak sempet mempersiapkan hati kita untuk kehilangan..

anyway, bokap gw jadi sedikit sadar sama bad habits nya dan bilang pengen berubah. iyalah, belum jg punya cucu. bahkan nyokap gw pengen hidup sampe punya buyut.. hehehe..

moga2 aja bokap gw bener2 berubah ke arah yg positive, because I really-really worry about him.

nyokap gw juga bilang,’cara Tuhan tuh emang nggak bisa diduga ya..’

kalo gw bilang, one’s burden is another’s happiness, it shouldn’t work that way. lebih tepatnya, setiap peristiwa di dunia ini punya dua sisi mata uang, positive and negative.

dear my beloved uncle,
may you rest in peace in the best place God’s has preserved…

a glimpse of hope

this is one of the moment when I feel like i’m such a fool.
I’m falling for nothing.
ah, sutralah… at least he had gave me some happiness, eventhough now he sneaking out with his girl.

anyway, have i told you that yesterday I saw a guy at my office’s lobby? hoping that he’s able to join us soon :p
anyway, never expect too much from someone, because he’ll drop you down.
hahahahaa… so, stephanie, will you be more religious now?

s.o.s: save our soul

habis nonton futsal anak2 cowo kantor gw niyh.. gak ada kerjaan banget ya gw, secara lapangannya kecil dan ga ada kursi penonton, hehehe..

anyway, I can see that everyone has their own way to create happiness.

temma feel happy when he bought fancy things or hang-out with his celeb pals. imel feels happy when met sheila on 7 or buying cosmetics. yasmin feels happy with her starbucks and watching movies alone. rully feels happy when he’s with his girl or with his family.

me? currently I don’t know what makes me happy. 3 months ago, I felt happy when going to the gym and enjoy sauna. 1 years ago, I feel thrilled when brow
sing for post-grad scholarship in the internet. in college, I feel happy when I got perfect grades in my final exam. 5 years ago, I kept expecting that someday I can still be a fashion designer. in high school, I feel thrilled when I went out from class with my gals and cheating in exam.

there’s a lot of things which could make someone happy in a time, and it kept changing. but, I don’t know what could makes me happy now. I feel happy when bought fancy things which I can afford of. but, it’s just not it, it’s sooo temporary and fake. how could i’d be happy if i’m so excited with someone that I know will never be mine. how could i’d be enchanted if I know whatever happened to us is because he thought we’re friends. how could i’d be smilling if I knew that he’ll be soon go away and he won’t missed me anyway.

now I know why I could be so in misery. I am broken hearted. no matter how much happiness he gave me, I know he’ll thrown me into a dust. he can still treat me like a ping-pong ball, because we are simply just friends. yaps, this is what I have to deal with if I still stick with my preferences.

Gosh, it’s just too painful, save me…

rest in peace

my uncle has just passed away today, the second big brother of my father. eventhough I wasn’t too close with him, but it reminds me that life is so short. eventhough many times we said we nearly died or killing ourselves, but we never really ment it. this life is just too precious too be leave with…
too many beloved people around us that thinks they’ll never lose us.

and especially, it reminds me how old my father and mother was. I can’t be with them this moment, because I have another life to be living, but i’ll give them whatever things I can give. I can’t imagine my life without them… never imagine..
and how my grandma feel when she realized her son has passed away (we haven’t told her until now)

life is just too short. when people came and went in our life, that’s just the balance of life.

my prayer, may he rest in peace, in the best place God’s has preserved.

whoaa,I feel in like in seventh heaven =)

easy.. easy.. don’t be so thrilled. I know this is only a temporary happiness, but I simply don’t care. I just wanna be happy, without thinking too much now. this happiness might not be long enough, so unconsciously I ignore everything else and stuck in my comfort zone =)

anyway, I have a great motorcycle experience today, with several risky move in the crowded road, whoaaaaaaa!!! =)

senneeeeennngggg baaannngggeeettt!!
even we know we’re doing something wrong, but at least it makes us happy. that’s life kan ya.. sometimes being happy is so risky, But it’s what it’s worth.

me and the office

This is what I’m talking about appreciating my present gift 🙂

it won’t be enough, but at least I have something to memorize

yasmin, me, and temma at office at night, hehehee... dasar makhluk2 malam :p

yasmin, me, and temma at office at night, hehehee... dasar makhluk2 malam :p

dyah, nina, yasmin, me, temma

dyah, nina, yasmin, me, temma. starbucks for lunch, hehehehe...

rencananya kompakan pake ungu, hehehee.. matching gaaa??

rencananya kompakan pake ungu, hehehee.. matching gaaa??

lesson learned

hmmmm… hehehe, gw baru aja dapet banyak pelajaran baru. walaupun sampai sekarang masih bersisa rasa nggak enaknya, but i’m in PMS period, so it’s natural to be gloomy ;p

pertama, gw diajarin cara ngatur stok sama orang dhl, and hopefully it would help me to reach my objective. pelajaran lain, I found that no such a perfect family. each family has their own burden, each person in the family has their own characteristic and life’s choice. and sometimes, one’s choice could be another’s burden.

it’s so ironic when one’s love trouble could change the perspective of love for other part in the family. but, that’s normal, because we learn not from ourself, but also from others.
intinya, gw belajar tentang keluarga dan cinta.

my family is not perfect, tapi cinta masih bersemi di keluarga ini. anything happened, any roller coaster love in my family, but I still found my mother and sister are happy with their love. hehehe, tapi tetep aja sih, things happened to them affect me in the way I look at marriage. untungnya sih gw gak sampai gak pengen married, because I still consider each human can’t live alone.

real thing

i’ve decided that anything real is better than unreal.

earth is better than heaven (perhaps), because we never see heaven, we just knew it from stories.

now, I just have to search my real thing ;p

anyway, speaking as money as a tool and I found myself unhappy lately, I decide to do something with my money ;p

either installing cable internet, join gym membership, or hiring a maid. because honestly, cleaning the room is obviously not my talent.

anyone has ideas?