happy :)

i don’t know whtether it’s good for me or not…  i just knew that i am so so so happy lately… i learned so much things from him. he taught me not to judge people… to understand that all people had their own preferences. nothing is wrong or right… they just making choices.

he taught me to enjoy life.. to always be grateful to God. he taught me not to see things from negative point of view.. everything is good.. always high spirited! 🙂

i know he got lots of flaws also.. and i can’t avoid that. i just knew that he taught me lots of wonderful things… and i am hoping that i can be happy forever 🙂

i don’t wanna be broken hearted, hiks….

can love and reality be friends?

i just having a chat with my friend, we can call her Y. yes, she’s the one that i care much and just told me she slept with someone’s husband a few weeks ago… I think her problem could be solved if she move from her current company. by that way, she can stay away from being ashamed in her office, from the terrors of his wife, and the most important thing: stay away from that guy. thay guy who said had fallin for her and she fall into also… if they are still in the same office, they will never forget each other!

well, we all want a happy ending… but sometimes we just can’t control to whom we fall in love.

and now she had decide to stay… she wants to keep the lie, like everybody does. until when we can keep our deepest secret? I don’t know. my other friend also keep that from me. she always pretend in front of me.. in fact I know what really happening. but let it be her choice… it’s like a snowball effect, you always create one lie to closure the other lie.

it makes me think about myself. I know what I’m doing is not the best people can expect from me. but I know that this is less harm… life is about choosing, and now I had 2 options: back to my gals and let my feeling die like before *i’ve been there* or playing around with someone for temporary basis. and I choose the second options and making my own barrier to protect myself.

but I learned something from my friends. never compare our relationship with other’s. it would never be the same. the parameter is different…

this weekend

excited but terrified..

this weekend i will attend this retreat i’ve been listed on since 1.5 months ago.. hopefully it will be fun!

in the name of God! :))

started to be mellow again….

i guess i am nearly approaching my period or i just in bad sleepy mode, because i suddenly felt so mellow.

maybe it’s because he’s changing. at first, he changed into a way politer man with so many ‘thank you’ words for me. that’s fine.

but, he started to pray (according to his religion), and it makes me feel that our fake adventure will start to ended. as soon as he bought that living place, he started to get settled down and search for a wife.

for all these times, we got something in common, which is: we still wanna playing around and marriage is not in our short-term plan. but, he’s older than me… if everything in this world got it’s own moment, maybe this moment will fading away from me…

Gosh, i never wondering that it will affect me so much.

I miss the love in my life, I wanna get those real affections.

I want to get a master degree, but I think I really had to manage between love and ambition. I gotta make it balance.

can I have him, here now?

love?

today i had a chat with one of my senior in college, which also dating my friend (both of them went to the same college with me). then as usual, eventually we talked about dating. he said, if i don’t wanna get married, then it means that i’m just searching for a dating experience.

um, it makes me thinking…  i don’t wanna an experience, i already had one.  i just don’t wanna be lonely, that’s my one and only reason. after all, we’ll never know when will that thing so-called-love comes.. and i think it’s not fair for myself to make a barrier until how far i can involved with my love adventure.

i want to get a master degree before married.

but i gotta admit that i need love.

i need someone to fill an empty space in my heart.

so, just let it naturally ya… even though i was afraid to have a long distance relationship, but it will goes naturally.

qui sera sera… whatever will be.. will be.

don’t think too much, just act >_*

they told me to enjoy life..

guess what the difference between me and lady gaga?

and I really think I should!

life is too short to be filled with crankiness and things we haven’t achieve.

yes, climbing our dreams is important but enjoying the journey within is a must 🙂

i love my hair…. love when I touch it… so smooth!

toefl ibt prep

confused!!!

ivy league or PPB UI? or else??? huuaaa….!

boys will always be boys

while one of them busy to seek my attention, because he just ended his relationship with his beloved.

and one other keep gazing with his roller coaster attitude and his irrational expectation.

before 24….

as I have lived for 23 years and 10 months…. i learned that no human could live in status quo. which means, no human could be good for all of his life or could be bad forever either.

human made mistakes, and they leaned from it…. in the other side, human make good things, but they feel bored and start seeking for ‘challenges’….

a man confessed that he used drugs several times.

a good friend who thinks smoking is good for her healthiness.

a person who made love with her girlfriend, got cheated, and then cheated her in return. but he can’t escape from his relationship because of that one mistake.

a best friend who once addicted to sex and then aborted her child.

a religious person who turns into someone hate religion and start enjoying relationship with a girl that might not ever blast in his mind before.

well, as I said before.. it’s just the way the world goes round, babe….

we can’t change any of it, because it’s the nature of human!

so, let’s not think too much on something… just enjoy it and consider it as a process of learning… for all >_*

hummm….

well… yesterday in a nighty night i was hard to choose between house or apartment.

then, i re-analyze the problem (as I learned in college, fish-bone chart, tree chart, etc. etc….), okay i lied. i just map that out in my brain, it’s easier! well, there’s 2 reasons why i need to invest my money:

1. i don’t know when will i able to get that master degree scholarship. it could be next year or next 2 years. that means I got the chances to save money, rather than let my evil winnie inside myself shop that money out…

2. after completing my master degree (amen), most likely i’ll be back to Indonesia and start seeking job from the beginning. that means, it will take a while for me to seek job…. and i need money. so, it will be wonderful if i can have a passive income 😀

okay… that’s the ideal plan. but, there’s several x factors i need to calculate in my analysis:

1. how if i had to pursue my master before i paid it all? (i planned to pay it 24 times, together with my mother. so, we got half-half shares). well, it will make me dizzy… but the worst thing happened: half-half shares will be 1/3 and 2/3… at least i still got the shares, haha…..!!!

2. actually i need car to join the NGO and toefl prep, huhuhuu…. 😦

so, i comes to a classic dilemma: short term or long term happiness? Gosh!!!