malem ini, gua pulang dr meeting half day gua…. gua langsung tiduran di ranjang, and don’t have energy to wake-up…… tapiii, secara gua masih mesti cuci baju dan milih baju buat besok…. so, I wake-up and work ;p

ketika waktu menjelang jam 12 malem, tiba2 gua diserang kesepian yang mendalam…. bahkan imajinasi gua pun udah sama sekali nggak membantu gua……
kok bisa-bisanya gua yang super capek ini ga bisa tidur…

lantas gua jadi sadar, kalau mungkin gua emang butuh seseorang, kayak apapun orang itu… percuma kalo dia ganteng, tapi ngga bisa gua miliki… percuma kalo dia tajir, tapi dia jauh dari gua….

intinya gua cuma butuh orang yang nyata, yang bisa gua peluk dan gua cium :p

udah mulai bosen sama ketidakjelasannya….
udah mulai bosen cuma mandangin tampangnya doang…
udah mulai bosen dijadiin bola ping-pong…
karena rsi dia makin berkurang, jadi makin mudah untuk cinta yang lain menyusup ke dalam hatiku =)
apalagi tiba2 hari ini ada ‘cinta lama’ yang tampak Begitu cool. udah ngga ada feeling, tapi kelakuannya yg nyebelin dan sok unavailable malah Bikin geregetan ;p


anyway, kalo gw bingung mau ngapain dengan waktu gw, kenapa engga fokus aja ke kerjaan kantor? work harder and smarter… take initiative.. if I can’t get the guy I want, at least I can get a promotion!!!!! rather than have nothing =p

but, again.. saying is easier than doing…….

i just remembered that..

when I feel sick tonight, I just remembered that my Mom only several times applied vicks vaporub to my body when I sick..
I miss my mom figure, even she’s always here already…
being sick for me means being alone at home, try to sleep well and get sweaty..

I still love her, but honestly it’s difficult to be a tender son if you don’t have a tender mom..
lately when I went home, we always fought and fought..

why can’t you be un-purposed mom, mom…
why I always felt you utilize me..
why I always felt you never satisfied of me..
I have give what I can give to you, but it’s never enough..
I don’t wanna stuck in options whether I should do anything you told me to OR fight you so I don’t have to do those thing..

I think being independent will make you proud of me, but you keep adding my pressure..
you keep sculpt me to be someone that is never enough for you..
you keep sculpt me to be someone that is not you..
you are only human, either do I..
so let us not placed any burden in one another shoulder..
so I can step lightly and sure when I bring someone home, he’ll feel accepted..

I don’t have quite wonderful kids memories, but it’s okay, cause I have my present..
so, I am hoping a lot that you could wishes me a very happy golden-age moments..

I wish someday,when I became a mom, I can give a tender cuddle for my children, no matter how harsh my life..

for whatever reasons, I still love you..
you are still the best mom in the world…….

midnite summer…

okay, now is 11.20 pm, almost midnite.. and I can’t stop thinking about him.. I at my home, enjoying a restless weekend, and almost close it with sleeping tight, but I can’t!!!

Maybe these are the reasons:
1. because I slept too much yesterday, to pay-off my lacking of sleep for one whole week..
2. this 3 signal makes ke crazy –> provider GSM bernama Three, gua baru beli perdana-nya jumat kemaren, dengan harapan dapet free internet, hehehee.. Tapi jadinya gua ngerasa ditipu. padahal kemaren di plaza semanggi kenceng bangetsss, huhuhu.. mudah2an di kosan gw juga kenceng!!
3. huhuhu, missing him so so much, and I almost can’t think sane.. I don’t love him yet, but I like him soooo much, and I don’t care about his weaknesses :p
hah, udalaaaah.. when I meet him, then what? I just staring at him and get nothing.. mending cari yang pasti2 aja deh. apa emang penyakit gua yah, always wanting something I didn’t have?????

Boy, I wish i could have u……

catching up lives..

to yanti, he’s okay.. just in a little dilemma… 🙂

anyway, i’m currently watching marley and me dvd (sorry, tom, but we’ll replaced it with another movie, as long as it’s not dragon ball :p). I want a puppy! I want a small size dog! I want poodle! huhuhu…

hmm, okay… i’m 23… such a golden age for a woman. so, I decide I have to be in great shape, have a lots of dreams instead, and blooming like a rose 😀
even we know, everything needs money… and lately i’ve been thinking about car…

seperti apa kata Temma, ‘jangan tergantung sama orang lain, just do everything you like.’
then I asked him, ‘i don’t even know what I like nowadays…’

and now….. I am thinking about car! if people said money can’t buy happiness, then why don’t we start using it as a tools! driving a car will makes me feel like an independent woman :p

but well, I have to take a loan to make it real… and actually it’s hard.. and it’s not a great investment..

my Father said, “Car is depreciating, so when you decide to buy car, buy it cash. If you took credit/ loan, means you will lose double.”

inconvenience truth..

I think I have to forget him..
if i’m sane enough, I have to erase him completely from my head..
all of these senses, it’s all fake..
If I want something real, I have to accept what I am, and live it..
enough for all my life wanting something that isn’t yours..
indeed, he got nothing But his … :p

don’t jump, live it!

my friend told me that he want to jump to a glass in front of him.

I said, “don’t fix one sin with another sin.”

he said, “at least she can forget me if I’m gone…”

I answered, “you are so selfish! you want to commit a suicide to diminish your heart pain, so it’s all about you, not hers.”

Then he finally said, “I am sorry for all of my mistaken. Good bye.”

No. When he said good bye, he didn’t jump from that window, even until now he’s still standing a several meters from me. He is one of my very best friend, and I don’t want him to end his life this way… it’s all because of love, he could turn from a very cheerful man to a misery man.

Love is something we can’t run from.
Love is beautiful, but harmful.
It could give you a life, but it could take the life from you…
But, we only human, and we can’t refuse our destiny.
So, just living the life, with the best way you can.

me and my office… like a high school gank…

Tunggal, Stephanie [3:44 PM]:
now i start to think that this dept is a high school ground
Tunggal, Stephanie [3:45 PM]:
have we ever.. ever think about someone else? someone outside our circle…
Bbb[3:45 PM]:
eh sorry salah steph
Tunggal, Stephanie [3:45 PM]:
rully is right
Bbb[3:45 PM]:
lg chat ama yg lain
Tunggal, Stephanie [3:45 PM]:
with how we treat him and dede….
Tunggal, Stephanie [3:45 PM]:
that’s why he jump-off from us