grumpy…

yeah, maybe i’m having a PMS attack.. it just that today something bug me so hard.

something that i already know.. something that i already expect from mid-year in reverse.

it’s good to know that best friend will always cheered you up when shit happens.

one’s action lead to other’s destiny… that’s called the puzzles of life. that’s why luck happens. that’s also why shit happens. (stephanie)

I say:

and i kept asking the same question to myself

I say:

for the 999 times

I say:

will i trade that manager thing with marketing position?

jane doe says:

Hahahahahaha

I say:

last 3 months: 10% yes, 90% no

jane doe says:

Don’t!!! All you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering how it will feel to be in mktg

I say:

today: 49% yes, 51% no… the 39% increase vs pp is because i just realized the pain it cause for not getting it…

jane doe says:

Now, you just need to work on your path to become a manager

I say:

but the 1% stands still due to i’m so damn affraid that 3 years from now, i will look back onto my life and regreting the fact that i have trade my dream to money or position…

I say:

and it was the most pain i cannot bear…

I say:

so, i guess.. all i gotta do is just “growing up” and understand that when you get some, you’ll lose some…

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my new BB

yeah… i finally bought BB and giving up to society. but as the law of nature selection said: one who refuse to adopt will extinct.

so, be it.

buying BB means I had to sacrifice my old handphone which has been my sunshine for this past one year. Also means I don’t save any money this month, in fact i had to request for a loan to my friend. annnddd… not to mention I had to pay for blackberry packages to my cellphone operator… hahahahaha… this is a cost to survive, huh!!

we all die alone…

you know what?

my sist just said to me, that my father disagreed with my decision to pursue master degree, because he’s so afraid that I will marry old.

I said, I don’t care.

I am worth enough and I don’t have to be afraid that I may not get married because of my visions and dreams.

because, my friend –Rully said, we all die alone.

if we, counting on our happiness to others… what would we be if s/he was gone? will our happiness gone with her/ him?

then I saw myself now. I don’t have any boyfriend, and yes… sometimes I do miss those sweet moments. treated romantically. feel missed by someone. that zazazu in my stomach. that literally laugh.

but, then I realized that everything has it’s own price tag.

I may not have romantic things as other people may have… but I am happy with my life. happy with my ambition. happy with my competition. happy with my friends.

so then I found out that the most important thing in our life is to pursue anything we want best and be happy with it.

pandora box

okay… i tried to calm down myself with writing on this status on my FB: “things will soon be changed and i will miss this part of my pandora box.. filled with hope and dreams.”

but, the fact is: I can’t help it. I just can’t manage people starting to make a distance from me. I know that everything and everybody changes along the time. I can’t expect our friendship will stay put as it is a year ago. It lasts in my memories how we used to laugh together, before the work things start to get in the way.

anyway, it’s 14 days ahead, minus the weekends. so, it might only last 10 days for me staying in this department. when i thought i was having and working nothing for 2 years and 4 months in my department, i was wrong. I did a lot of things, I experienced so many amazing things, and having a great friendship here.

and actually, i don’t need any effort to make it great. because it’s already was….

i have already learned so many things.

learn how to work without any guidance.

learn to manage overload work.

learn how to interact with subordinates.

learn how expatriates might be great, but they can’t beat local.

learn how to have a calm boss and the aggressive one.

learn how to had a really good friend and then disappointed because he just value me from work things.

learn how to manage romance and keeping up the performance.

learn how to lose some of great friends and then moving on and found other great friends.

learn how some people judge me as immature and i am very pissed-off, because they don’t know how i struggled for life. but in the end, i realized that we are what we act. and yes, i am not mature enough.

so, again, it’s already been a great journey of mine.

some of them were bad. i hate my title name. i’m not call centre of receptionist. it looks bad in my cv.

i hate the way i’ve been single for these past 2 years. but, that is my preference. it was me who decide to reject and avoid all those men who came along. so, it’s also my call to decide how i’m gonna through my lovelife towards future….

i hate my performance appraisal. i hate the fact that my boss value me from the result, not the process. she just refuse to sparkle the shining diamond and decide to keep that diamond in the rack as it is. i don’t care. it hurts a while. So, this is how it feels to really working hard for someone, but in the end it doesn’t even matter.

but, hey…. i’m still a diamond, and it’s her lose not to keep it well. a diamond is still a diamond, wherever it belong. so, i will keep my performance for myself. not for her, not for the big boss, not for my company. only for myself. this is the way i worked and value myself. only God knows =)

after all the bad words and regretfulness, i’m not the same person as I was 2 years and 3 months ago….

this is the journey as Paulo Coelho said…

some may got their dreams easily, but the process makes it even more perfect. now i’m not an ordinary marketer. i’m a sparkling one! =)

wrong or right

hahahaaha… iya, it’s like a big punch to my head and now I feel dizzy…

I can’t think straight and maybe getting drunk is the solution? no, it’s not.

I just had to stare in my room, contemplate myself. talk to God and asking which path I had to choose. and after that, having faith on it. that somehow… someway.. someday… we will look back to our life and be sure that we have made the right decision for our life.