learning from the heart

2 points taken from this book (by David Gotlieb):

1. when u love, don’t expect to be loved back. don’t afraid to be hurt. don’t afraid of anything, just love. in some way, it could avoid us from expecting something beyond the circumstances (low expectation means less broken hearted). but can we ever do that? i mean, we all wanted to be loved, and i always thought one side love is pathetic…. been there, done that.

what i should do now is maybe…. i gotta lowering down my expectation. such as, when i love or like someone, i don’t push him to give me full affection, just be mature lah…. we all got our own life. it’s splendid to have someone caring us so much, but he can’t always be there for us. only God who will. so i think the true love is should be referred to God.

2. don’t affraid of death. death is only a symbol of our narcissism, because people will move on after we died. well, it’s true indeed. why we should be afraid of death, if we always live life to the fullest? i don’t wanna live in fear… that something i should bear in mind, everytime….

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fear!!

i’m chikening out…. i’m stressing out just because i don’t know how to remind my boss that she already gave me tough job which made me dizzy for the past 3 weeks………….. arrrgghhhh!!! God please help me…. i gotta roaring the tiger inside myself!! the tiger named…….. courage…..!

KL holiday

stayin’ at my gal place, Z…. ready to conquer Malaysia =)

st. paul statue

hainanese chicken rice ball @jonker street, melaka... bon appetite!!

batu caves.... after hiking, fiuh fiuh,,

Malaka church

LRT station

dinner at NZ cafe with new vietnamese friends, just accross KLCC

at KLCC garden fountain

i wish “like” has a turn off button

Yaps. tonite he doesn’t contact me, but i’m not pissing-off.. because I know he must be very tired. He changed his biological time after he knew me, hehehe… but, anyway, always remember what my friend said, “never give your heart full to a man.”

yes, as you know i’m a melancholic girl who alllwaaayyysss fall into the same trap :p

But I hope I can be a li’l bit “conscious” this time, hehehee… and make myself in control.

last week we just had our 5th date, and it was so much fun. it is true what the workshop said:

“people doesn’t always remember what u said or what u give, but they always remember how u make them feel”

well, we both enjoying the moments, and then yesterday…. for the 1st time, he really call me in purpose 🙂 we talked for 1.5 hours at night, and he does sounds like my ex! yes, my ex who always sounds cute on the phone. I begin to like him even more… haaahh… and now i miss him. i wish “like” has a turn off button, but maybe this is my moment to enjoy all the glitters and butterflies in my stomach….. =)

and well… 1 day more to Kuala Lumpur! visiting my friend, Zabeth….! hope i will not miss him that much :p

got fooled

ckckckkc… all my assumption are wrong. so so so wrong.

i feel cheated a bit, but since i cheated him also, so i guess we’re even :p

anyway, just want to inform that when he started to annoy me by chat, communicator or whatever, he’s still had a girlfriend.

lesson learned, don’t make assumption by people’s face. he might looks like the most innocent man, but he isn’t.

i started to memorize, when we first dated, is it 49 days ago? hmm… but i don’t remember and don’t even bother to remember.

as I said, it might hurts me a bit, but i’m not a saint girl also. so, i guess this is just how the world goes round =)

tell me how

how can you be happy if you always wanting something you don’t have?

how can you be happy if you always searching for something that weren’t there?

I usually working so hard on what i want, and here it is…. i’m gonna struggle for this one also.

and God knows, God bless also for this one. Amen. I won’t give up.

start on the hard one

i don’t know why, i couldn’t be that woman who thinks relationship as a door you can open and close easily.

i’m a choleric melancholic girl who always her life in control and tend to over dramatized everything.

that is why, i only have one relationship until this age.

because i’m so picky.

i’m cynical.

i even wondered how to break a man before i even date him.

i always fall in love to a wrong man, because i always look at their appearance only.

i care about what people might say about my man, so i choose the cute one.

when i have the cute one, with looong records of short term relationship, i thought i could changed him.

but apparently mine is only another short term relationship of his =)

anyho……..

here i am.

still affraid of people who might concern about my man if he’s not thin enough, not handsome enough, not settled enough………….

still repressed my feeling, because i’m affraid i will fall with him and forget all of my dreams……………

plus, now i’m affraid of commitment.

so, i’m wondering. if i was still here and there, still the same freakingly choosy complicated girl as i was 12 years ago……………….. where i would be in the next 5 years??

i might still being a single woman, who might had one relationship, but it broke because i fall in love to a wrong man (again) and dump those men who really loves me, only because they aren’t cute enough.

anyway, i don’t know what to do.

i just want to follow my feeling.

if i was used to repressed my feeling, because it’s who i am, only God could change it, because i’ve tried!!

this is when……. i reach this dot. i don’t care. if the time has arrived, God will say it outloud to me. even if He’s not, i will know eventually.