How i miss him, but i gotta be strong!

apparently the flame already burned down and the magic has begin to fade away.


that magical and adventurous love will be ended. that butterflies in my stomach which always make my day. well, I can do nothing but accepted it and be mature. Unfortunately, I haven’t found any other chemistry. Yes, there’s someone show his outrageous attention to me, but i haven’t find the chemistry between us.

but, well… that first man had already passed me and I will make sure he regret it.

I am too good for him, he doesn’t deserve me.

and I believe I can find someone else way better than him.

encouraging reply =)

from audencia nantes….. despite the fact that I still had to pay application fee of 100 EUR 😦

Dear Stephanie,

Both your CV and letter are of a very high quality. You do not need to have a GMAt score to apply eventhough it is recommanded and appreciated by our jury members.
Considering what you say in your CV, if you have excellent university records, this should compensate the absence of GMAT.

Now, I really want to encourage you to complete the IMM application before November 15th so that we have enough time to present your file for the scholarship should you be pre-selected.

a blew in my chest

I really wanna hug everyone nears me since yesterday!! I am in a huge happiness…. I even can’t draw it by words…. it’s been such a time when I feel this way…. this feeling of success just blew in my chest and spread into my lung….

Gosh…. I nearly cried when I finished my toefl test. I wanna go to South Pole and jump into a big hole. I can’t even think wise.

several days afterwards, I got my senses and start to regret why the hell i took that test. it just cause me pains.

but, then i remember that i’m not alone. If I have faith, then I will give all the result to my God.

i started to make plan A, B, C… in case my toefl is ruined.

but 13 days after the disaster day.. I got the best gift in the whole universe. I wanna dance in the middle of the night at my silence room. and i did dancing. a dance of a victory.

Gosh… 2 days after I saw that numbers, I still can’t hold my breath. I am just too happy…. thank God i’m not giving up…



I finally made it.

after all of those sweats, times, tears, stresses….

the feeling of successful is like falling in love multiple times. or even maybe feels like having multiple orgasm, well i can’t answer that 😛

everything is worth-it… all of those journey back there is all worth-it…

my TOEFL score is 98 and adequate for all of the requirements from the Uni… Now, i will give another shot for the scholarship, help me God… 🙂

ugly truth

i just watched ugly truth movie yesterday.. and it makes me realized… there’s no superman.

i got some moments in my life – in my single life, to be exact – when bad things happened and I wondered, “i wish i had a boyfriend, he might will protect me and this will not happen.”

or another moment when i am so sick at my lodging house and i was in confusion strolling for food, i’m thinking, “if i had a boyfriend, he might bring me foods and taking a good care of me now.”

or when i’m walking down the street, people bugging at me with some racist words, i am hoping my boyfriend would kick their asses.

or when i got home from my mandarin course -once upon a time when i was in college- and the rain fell so hard, i hoped i got a boyfriend who had a car and ready to save me from getting wet.

like what Mark said, “the only things men look from a women are their t*ts and a*s”, hahahahaha… okay, maybe that was overwhelmed. but, this movie make me realized, that men are like women, we just an ordinary human. we got strength, weaknesses and flaws.

a guy with car might can take you anywhere you want, but he can’t always be there for you like you want him to be. because he got his own businesses.

a bravery guy might bring you foods when you’re sick, but he can’t cure you. the only thing that can make you better is a good sleep.

a fun guy may brights your day up, but he won’t rescued you from any disaster of the day.

well, in conclusion.. if someday i decide to start another commitment with men, it’s not because i wished they can rescue me. but, it’s because i love him as the way he is, both his strength, weaknesses, and flaws.


today he smiled a lot…. and it’s so damn crunchy, until I can’t stop starring at him.

and I just realized that I give him a lot of motivation and career objectives… because of what my boss said to me today. so, I guess we’re even now :))

the definition of faith…

i should have no fear, because God is always besides me, even though i am not always besides Him.

day 4 after toefl.
after spending so much money to relax myself in malls (yep, 2 malls in a row, and 1 mall yesterday…), i start to have my awareness back. I don’t know what’s happened to me last saturday… but i just get so anxious and try not to destroy the computer in front of me.


as I said, I can only ask for miracles from God.
I told you, if I get great grades (enough grades to apply ADB), that means it’s a miracle from God.
it is not because of me, but because of HIM.
and I do believe in it.

i may still affraid, but i will try to kick-off those feelings.. because I have faith.


at the bottom of my rollercoaster.

but, i’m trying not to think about it too much, because i worth more than that.

anyway, just having my toefl yesterday. a test that sucked all of my last month’s saving. but, apparently i did not think of it seriously. i don’t know, is it just me or everyone else would do such thing like i did. i just feel sick of these business and emptiness… i need to have fun.

i need to forget all of this ambitions, visions, study hard, et cetera….. because i have been work so hard lately, and i deserve a vacation.

i don’t know.

maybe someday i will click on with half of my awareness. i’m just so sick of all this tiring lovelife, neverending projects, people who kept asking about me about that system….

but, i will recover.

if it takes a holiday, then i will spend my money for that. for the sake of my soul.

thousand dresses

i don’t know why… for a woman, there will be no enough outfit to wear.

now I know why Carrie Bradshaw needs a closet…

I just search cool things for tomorrow, but i did not find any. I think I have to renew all of my wardrobes collection.

this is just half of my wardrobes...

this is just half of my wardrobes...